Who'd be a judge?

Well....me actually! Tomorrow is the day of the NVS Judges Exam and I'm probably not as confident now as I was when I first put forward for it. It's quite a high pass percentage you have to get, so there isn't much margin for error but it'll be a good experience if nowt else. And when you see some of the decisions on the benches you do wonder whether you want to put yourself forward for the inevitable criticism that will come your way.


Last year at Midlands Branch I put three globe beet in that I felt had a very good chance of getting a ticket but came away with nothing. However, the set I put in this year got third but when I walked away from staging I thought it was merely making up the numbers. Whilst I was surprised and happy to get the placing I still felt there were better conditioned and more uniform sets that didn't get anything. The tent was still quite dark when the judges started their deliberating so did that come into play perhaps? And at Harrogate the hall in which the veg is staged has the worst lighting I've ever experienced. It made many of the veg appear to be yellow or green in some cases.

What it illustrates is that judging of vegetables can never be an exact science. As long as it is carried out by fellow exhibitors themselves at the top of their game, or people who have been there and done it you have to trust the process and take all decisions in good faith. I've always said that the day I get upset and contest a decision is the day I give it up for good.

Stick at it

At Malvern I staged my first ever entry of celery 'Evening Star' at such a high level. Whilst I didn't win a ticket I was more than happy with how they looked, especially as I'd grown these myself from seed, and if I hadn't been pushed for time I'd have titivated them up a lot more as some of the stalks needed straightening up having grown a bit off centre in the cardboard blanches. At the time I didn't know it but I actually staged them next to Ray Sale's winning brace. As you can see I got more blanch than him but they weren't quite as bulky, but all in all I'm encouraged to keep growing celery having considered not bothering after this season. Indeed, next season I have decided I will be growing many more celery in a raised bed that I normally grow my 250g onions in. The bed has a severe infestation of white rot so I have to find somewhere else to grow onions. I reckon I can get 20 celery in the bed and will erect a mesh barrier to stop strong side winds battering them down as currently my celery grow in quite a sheltered spot.

The key to growing better plants this season was plenty of well rotted horse muck in prepared holes and sieved soil on top of that to plant the seedlings into in late Spring, with a top dressing of dried blood and nutrimate a fortnight before planting. After that I never let them dry out, and when the plants were growing away well I gave them a couple of litres of water every day with a high nitrogen feed once a week, switching to a high potash feed 4 weeks before showing. I used Decis regularly to prevent attack by leaf miners, and later on Bumper to prevent blight. As I go to press I have 6 plants left, and I hope to stage 4 in a collection at Westminster next week and 2 at Derby at the end of October, frosts permitting.

London calling

Next up is my 4th Clash (see how clever I was there!?) with Dave Thornton at the RHS Westminster Show a week today. This is an absolutely stunning venue in which to stage vegetables and if you can make the effort the rewards are good as the RHS give very good prize money across the classes, not just in the big collections. Thanks to a website www.parkatmyhouse.com i've managed to find a parking spot at a local pub for 10 quid a day (you can claim this back) so I shall be driving into London in the early hours in order to avoid the congestion charge. Leesa will be travelling down on the train later on in the morning as there will definitely be no room in the car for her this time around.




The reason for this is i've entered 35 classes including 5 collections in the hope of clawing back some of the points difference between myself and the Derby Dingbat. He currently leads by a seemingly unbridgeable 716 to 351 but hopefully i've got a few tricks up my sleeve as Westminster has classes for things like squash (of which I have a nice specimen), turnips, brussel sprouts, red cabbage, cylindrical beet (I have 4 drums of these to empty out!), loose leaf lettuce (my current speciality!), courgettes and chard. When I informed the Thornquat of all my plans his smug face quickly changed and I know he's looking for late rule changes as we go to press just in case. Having said all this he usually picks up a rook of red cards at this show, especially if the Welsh boys don't turn up as happened last year. Therefore I don't doubt that Medwyn will be taking his photo again for GN....yawn!

As well as my Westminster preps i'm also in the process of digesting the NVS Judges' Guide for my impending exam this Saturday. Because Midland Branch aren't holding an exam this year i'm having to travel down to Dorchester in southern country-bumkin land so i'll be setting out early for the 200 mile trip. It means I will be not be entering Sturton Show in Lincolnshire for the first time in 12 years. As well as a two hour written paper there is a mock show that you have to judge, coming up with a 1-2-3 in each class. There are two collections A & B that have to be pointed, so i'm hoping that my experience in entering several collections this year and concentrating on the pointage given to each competitor will stand me in good stead for this. I may sleep in the car if i'm too tired afterwards but as there are more village idiots per hectare down south I don't really want to be hanging about after dark.

Slow down you lot!

It would appear that some of my 'disciples' are getting better at this showing lark than I am. Following on from Dan and Paul's successes at Harrogate I must add my congratulations to Ray Ingram who won shallots at Malvern, beating a very miserable Dave Thornton into 3rd place. As I'd staged Dave's shallots in his absence whilst he was out enjoying himself, in the wee small hours, very, very tired having had no sleep at all it didn't stop me from getting the blame for his failure. All I can say is I did one better than at Harrogate where he only came 4th having staged them himself the ungrateful fuckwit. Anyways....well done Ray and hard lines on the trug. I thought we were going to be out of the cards this year when I saw your's and Denise's effort.




Also, well done to Marcus Powell for winning the marrow class with Bush Baby on his first ever Branch show. They were a superbly well matched pair and fairly obvious winners in the end. He has now been bitten by the bug and i'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of him in future.

You gotta be in it to win it!

My only red card this weekend came on the Malvern side in the any other vegetable class where I staged a single Sandrine lettuce.

At 2am I dug this plant up, gave the roots a quick blast with the hosepipe (sorry neighbours!) and threw it in the car. At the showground it was the first thing out of the car but because i'd already seen it was a very popular class I thought I won't bother staging it so just threw it on the grass by the car.

At the last moment I thought sod it i'll chuck it in, staging it with the roots in a jamjar of water. And I was rewarded with a red card which was a total surprise. Steward Colin Higgs (another top bloke) said judge Charlie Maisey thought it was faultless.

So it just goes to show that unless you put it on the bench you'll never win. If you've gone to the trouble of growing it, preparing it, then travelling with it you have nothing to lose by staging it.

If I hadn't I wouldn't be Midland lettuce champion now would I?

Top fellas

I spent last night drinking with this rather strange man. I think he ran a game show in the 80's involving a bull. Nowadays he just talks it....or is it me that does that? :o)

Anyways i'm not sure he was in the tickets at the Show but he did manage to win these excellent wooden dildos in the Midland Branch raffle.

His real name is Gareth Cameron and comes as a double act with Ronnie Jackson. Both top growers they are two of the most knowledgeable and helpful guys you could wish to meet. However, if they think that exempts them from this year's Smithyveg awards they're very much mistaken!

With Malvern 2012 in mind.....

......i'm going to have a real crack at the Millennium Class next year, when Malvern will host the National. You need 5 plates of 4 veg, potatoes, stumps, tomatoes, 250g onions and globe beet.

Midlands have a similar class calling for four dishes only and I narrowly missed out on a ticket as I was forced to field two 15 pointer veg. My globe beet let me down but I had some nice stumps and Kestrel spuds.

There's always next year!

Bushed

Probably too much information but i'm currently soaking in a beautiful roll top bath in our very pleasant victorian b&b after an afternoon spent fast asleep. This through the night staging lark sure does take it out of you.

Pick of my results was 2nd in the cherry tomato class, a result that owes much to having a wife with a good eye. I grow Sungold and whilst this is the tastiest cherry tomato i've never seen it in the tickets so i've always made up the numbers with it. I handed Leesa a bowl of fruits that i'd picked in the dark at 2 o'clock this morning and said 'pick me 12 out of that lot and stage them for me'. I really couldn't have done a better job. She can come again!

However, we could still only make our perennial 3rd place in the trug class despite a different design to usual.

Your man at Malvern reporting

Wow what a show. If anything i'd say the standard is even better than at Harrogate last weekend. Indeed, Ian Simpsons Harrogate tap root winning long carrots took 1st place proving that you can use your roots on more than one weekend.

They beat Dave Thornton's long carrots into 2nd, and no doubt he'll blame me as I staged all his veg for him. I have to say.....never again! Quite how I got all our veg to Malvern intact i'll never know as my car has never been so rammed. His onions were balancing on my cabbages, our celery on my leeks and so on. And because I was loading the car til 3am I got to the Showground a bit late to stage things properly. In the end I was running around doing last minute adjustments which is never a good thing.

I wasn't expecting anything but I did get a few tickets, most pleasing being a 3rd in the potato collection. Not bad for a wooden spooner I reckon!

All staged

First impressions.....Bloody hell! Some bloody good stuff here this year. Will be lucky to get a ticket in anything!

Leesa insisted I take this photo proving that she constructs my trugs!

Malvern countdown

A year ago I was preparing marrows, globe beetroot, cherry tomatoes, sweet peppers and medium tomatoes in the hope of getting a ticket in the novice class at Malvern. I think it says a lot for the improvement I (and indeed my blogging pals) have made in that I am now preparing long carrots, leeks, potatoes and celery for this year's show. I think we're all currently 'bubbling under' as the saying goes. The thing is I know I don't have an earthly of getting in the tickets in most classes and yet they are some of the best veg I have ever grown. Just getting the stuff on the benches and not looking out of place is reward enough for me at the moment. When I compare my veg now to only a couple of years ago there's no comparison and a lot of it is down to the daily advice I can call upon via the NVS online forum. You can't put a price on good advice from guys who have been there and done it.

All you can hope to do is keep improving and one day I'm fairly sure I'll get there at National level but for now it's a case of listening to and learning from the best in the land, keeping an open mind and adapting their ideas and methods to suit your own situation. In the meantime remember it is just a hobby and if you don't get any enjoyment from it, just stress and upset, then it really aint worth doing. Getting tickets is nice, but making lifelong friendships and getting the best possible experience out of your growing is way more important.

A year ago I genuinely had a sneaking suspicion my tomatoes would be there or thereabouts. This year? Well I'm very happy with how my celery looks. But I know Malvern always has great celery so I shan't get carried away. I've downloaded a Blogger app on my phone so I should be able to post pictures from the showground this year. Malvern is a superb day out so if you're going make sure you get there early as there is so much to see, do and buy! If you notice me in the veg marquee please make yourselves known to me, poke me or smack me in the mouth, whichever you feel most comfortable with.

Long brute

I was hoping to stage a set of three long beet at Malvern but couldn't get a matching set.

As this monster, 15" round at the crown shows, I think I need to sow a tad later if I want to have some for the Malvern 2012 National.

I've left a drum unpulled as I hope to at least have a pair for the tap root class at Westminster in a week and a half.

Dynamec and Jet 5

I'm probably going to be getting some of these substances in November. But I certainly won't need the agricultural quantities they're supplied in so if anyone fancies going shares with me it will split the costs and I can divvy them up into jamjars or other suitable containers and distribute.

Dynamec for onion and leek thrips

Jet 5 for sterilising your sand etc

Send me a mail if you're interested and i'll let you know in due course how much it'll be when I have final numbers.

Today's lesson is.....never play darts against Dave Thornton and let him do the scoring.

Having put the village idiots from Yorkshire firmly in their place I now turn my attentions to Malvern and Westminster and my ongoing battle with Dave Thornton. He has built up a substantial lead of 440 points to 205, having originally claimed he had 500 points. It took several abusive emails to convince him he only had 440 the cheating twat. I managed to claim a couple of 80 point scores at Harrogate by coming 3rd with two collections. His face was a picture of disgust when I told him that a trug counts as a collection, a face that already had a quivering bottom lip as he came 4th with shallots for the second year running. He wins everywhere else but somehow not at Harrogate. It's hilarious actually.




I've decided to bench a couple of celery at Malvern. I had a stick in my collection at Harrogate and it didn't look as if it was in the wrong company so I'll give it a go and see how they compare. I've also got 4 sets of 3 potatoes for a potato collection which won't beat Sherie Plumb but you never know....they might just sneak into the tickets given a fair wind and a blind judge with a drink problem. I checked them at the weekend and they're still fairly blemish free (i've had a few go down with silver scurf during storage) and have reasonable uniformity although they're perhaps a little undersize to compete. But if you aint in it you can't win it!



Last night I went through all of my shallots and regraded them into the best set of nine, plus another set of 12 for the Malvern side which I managed to win last year. Tonight I'll go through my 250g onions as I want to stage a mini-collection which calls for 4 sets of 4 from stumps/spuds/beetroot/tomatoes/250g onions. Ideally you want to stage stumps (18 pointer) spuds (20 pointer) and tomatoes (18 pointer) amongst the four sets for definites. The fourth set needs to be between the beet and onions which are only 15 pointers. As my tomatoes are not quite ready I may need to stage both beet and onions which puts me at an immediate 3 point disadvantage but I have seen it done if the uniformity etc is good.



I'm expecting Dave to pick up good points at Malvern with shallots, long carrots, parsnips and the onion collection so I could really do with a bit of luck at Malvern in order to hang onto his coat tails until Westminster where I hope to be able to catch him up a bit with some tickets in the minor veg classes. This would piss him off enormously and also be very, very funny.

Farcical and evil

With the Scottish Branch also holding their Championships over the weekend I've heard of several cases where people have had their produce stolen at the show breakdowns when the shout goes up that you can collect your stuff. This follows on from Llangollen where top showman Andrew Jones had one of his large exhibition onions swiped by a fellow exhibitor. This has got to be the lowest of the low, the perpetrator no doubt intending to seed his strain of onion for his/her won ends. At the weekend at Harrogate the 'uplift' descended into farce as several exhibitors had to have a tug-of-war as members of the public tried to swipe whatever they could get their hands on. When you have produce spread across a large venue you don't have a chance sometimes and at Malvern last year I had some Vento onions stolen. I always make sure I guard my shallots and Leesa will stand by something else but you cannot cover all bases.

It's about time the large show organisers emptied the hall/marquee and only allowed the exhibitors back in on presentation of a pass. We were actually given passes at Harrogate but never asked for them so what the hell is the point of doing it? It just descends into a free for all and several people lost veg. Dan lost a good stump carrot from his collection and in Scotland Ian Stocks lost his winning peas. In Scotland, as at Harrogate it can only have been a so-called 'fellow exhibitor'. Most of these guys will happily help you out with seed if you ask them nicely so why steal?

I'm dreading the Malvern breakdown because it's such a large venue that you have produce spread over a much larger area. I complained last year to Three Counties but never even got the decency of a reply. Shrewsbury Show has been blighted by this problem for many years despite Medwyn going public in GN about it. If I see any exhibitor swiping veg that does not belong to him/her I will have no hesitation in naming and shaming them on here. If necessary I am prepared to trade punches with anyone stupid enough to stand up to me. I'm a nasty little fucker when I need to be. You have been warned you scumbuckets.

Let's have a look at what you could have won!

After only my 4th NVS show I feel a bit like an old hand now such is the friendship i've experienced at the highest level already. It really has been another top weekend and I'm already looking forward to meeting up with the gang again at Malvern next weekend. Aside from the Bullshit Bloggers Challenge which I won in magnificent style I had the following results;

I came 8th in the National Carrot Championships out of a dozen entries, typically just outside the sodding money! My entry is on the right next to Dave Thornton's 5th placed exhibit. His stumps were truly shocking but his long carrots were quite good I suppose!

My best placing was 2nd for these Sandrine lettuce, the roots having to be washed and placed into a jar of water. Returning to the show today I noticed that everyone else's lettuces had wilted and mine still looked as fresh as they did Friday morning.

I got 3rd in a mini-collection for 4 veg with a points value of 16 or under. I staged 3 Sandrine lettuce, 3 Pablo beet, 3 onions under 250g 'Setton' and 6 pickling shallots 'Hative de Niort'.

And at least I was beaten by one fellow blogger this weekend, James Park (Digtoplant) showing the Yorkshire bumboys how to do it with a 2nd placed trug (top of the photo) beating me into third( below it). This was actually Leesa's fault as she did the design work and threw it together on Friday night in about 10minutes. I really am getting sick to death of coming third with trugs so I'm hoping she pulls her bleeding finger out at Malvern next weekend.

There was quite a lot to see at Harrogate although it's nowhere near the size of Malvern. Pick of the exhibits for me was this stunning display of dahlias by Kent Dahlia Society I believe.



So that's Harrogate over with and I'll certainly be back. It's a long drive (they need to sort that exhibitor parking issue out!.......and also stop the thieving bastards nicking your stuff at the end!) but I earned 44 quid from a second and two thirds! Certainly beats breaking your neck at local shows, and  getting a shed load of tickets for 20-30 quid!

So tonight I treated myself to a couple of bottles of my favourite tipple Snecklifter, Cockermouth's finest. It's certainly wasted on Cumbrian Jim Bowen looky likeys. Super smashing great.





Celt invasion

I don't think there's any doubt that the best growers in Britain at the moment currently reside north of the border. I got to Harrogate at roughly the same time as Ian Simpson of Fife yesterday and he certainly created quite a buzz when he staged his carrots in the National Carrot Championships. They were heavy a long way down and well matched, and of course he's grown good stumps for a while now, winning the NATIONAL a few times. I reckon he is now on a par with Graham Watson's long carrots from a couple of season's ago.

In a disappointing display of WAG solidarity his partner Fiona reckoned my fruit cake last week was burnt! Pssh!

Best in Show however went to Bob Lind's leeks which made me realise how much work I have yet to do if my collection leek was worth 14 points. These were truly stunning and followed on from Eric Craik's win in the NATIONAL.

If Alistair Gray ever starts travelling south to other branch shows we're all screwed!

They know their onions

I've got to mention again Paul and Dan's efforts at Harrogate. They say that Northern and Midland branches are the hardest to win tickets at (I reckon the scots will have something to say about that....see next post) but they both managed it this weekend.

Paul is only in his second year of showing and is already churning out quality stuff as can be seen with his 250g onions whick took 4th in a large class.

And i've been trying to convince Dan for a while that his onions deserve to be given a better forum than local shows. I was vindicated as he took 2nd in the 1kg to 1.5kg class.

For me the 6x1 class was all about getting them to exhibit at a higher level and I achieved that. And the 20 quid will come in handy......it means I can probably pay Dave Thornton as he increased his lead substantially!

79.5

In a forecast that bodes well for my judges exam at the beginning of October I said I'd get 75-80 points!

My parsnip scored 15 points which was actually the highest scoring out of all the collection parsnips, so I know I can compete at the highest level with them. If only i'd been able to guarantee three with no canker then who knows, but I did spot some damage on most of the entries benched at Harrogate. I need to get more 'meat' on my carrots although they were nice and clean. My leek scored 14 so I was pretty chuffed with that too.

So, i'm 20 quid richer tonight. I did think about foregoing the wager but then I remembered all those heightist jokes and I thought 'fuck 'em!'

We are best of mates really!

Well it was a close run thing but I narrowly pipped Mr B 79.5 pts 75.5. We actually came 8th, 9th and 10th out of 10 but we were certainly not disgraced and have now competed against the best with honour. Paul got a very good 4th in a high quality 250g onion class and Dan is still on cloud 9 after a superb 2nd in the 1.5kg onion class.

Photos and full report later!

Oh.....and in a historic moment Peter Glazebrook smashed the World Onion Record with a 17lb 6oz monster!

10-9-8-7-6........

Eee I allus feel reet gid afta a rant tha kno's, now av git te wash me kerrits in't bath, ecky thump.




As you can see I've started practising speaking northern gibberish so that I can converse with the natives in a few hours time. I pulled my carrots and parsnips for Harrogate last night and in truth I was more than a little disappointed with the results. The stump bed that I've already pulled some crackers from suddenly decided it was going to throw out a right mish mash of shapes and sizes. It took me 25 pulls to come up with two sets of 3, meaning I've left myself with only about 40 to cover Malvern, Westminster and Derby.



My long carrots were nice and clean, and quite long but didn't have the weight I was hoping for, but I shall be happy to stage them for their condition if nothing else, and that's the main thing with all show veg.

Despite sterilising my sand and putting weed suppressant membrane down I still had a few spots of canker on my parsnips and struggled to find one without any marks for the 6x1 class. It's a shame because I've pulled some real crackers in every other respect and would have considered putting a set of 3 up at Malvern next weekend if they'd all been clean. I think I shall have to invest in some JET 5 next season which I'm told will not only sterilise all canker out of your sand it will also burn a hole through to the centre of the Earth. My grandchildrens' future is a small price to pay for blemish free parsnips.



I'm off home now to start several hours of washing, prepping, bagging, packing and loading. The banter has reached a crescendo between myself and Messrs Unsworth and Bastow on Facebook/text/email in recent days as we each try to get last minute digs in but now the time has come to shut up and put the veg on the benches. I shall be leaving home around 2am for the 100 mile drive up the M1/A1 to stage my few entries, but mainly for the 6x1 class. This has been a lot of fun. May the best man win.



Results will be shown on here during the course of tomorrow morning.

The recriminations will start shortly after.

We will all be pissed by lunchtime.

T minus 1.5

And they wonder why I don't rate teachers! My nephew got excluded from his school in Scotland on Monday for patting a friend on the head. The school has a total non-contact policy to deter bullying. He's 12! He's bright, always well-behaved (at school!) and sailed through his SATS. Basically they can't be fucked to do their job properly and distinguish between youthful high jinks and proper bullying. After some coaching from yours truly my brother has 'gone off on one' and my nephew has now been reinstated although heaven knows what this will have done to my nephew's confidence. Teachers! I wouldn't pay 'em in fucking washers!

T minus 2

It never ceases to amaze me how the Yorkshire Uphill Claydiggers continue to poke cheap jibes at my apparent lack of vertical inches. No matter, for come Friday morning I have no doubt that I will be higher than Adolf Hitler's gas bill as I celebrate my win in the Bullshit Bloggers' Challenge ......or BBC as Unsworth and Bastow now insist on calling it as it means they have to type less words the lazy northern shitstabbers. Along with my magnificent certificate Dan has donated these rather spiffing shiny medals to allocate between us so he must have found some money in one of his clay pots. I guess we just need Mr Bastow to donate something now? I don't mind taking home the black pudding but he can keep the whippet!

Tonight, to save a bit of time tomorrow night, I shall be pulling my carrots and parsnips, matching them up into sets then covering them in the old potato bag peat. I won't wash them until tomorrow night however. I recently staged a set of carrots I had pulled over 8 days before and stored them this way very successfully with no apparent deterioration in skin finish, so one day aint gonna matter one jot. Therefore a carrot and a parsnip will be making up veg 2 and 3 of my set with a 'stick' of celery, plus I have a Sherine spud in storage that will be washed tomorrow night. That makes 4. A blanch leek equals 5 so I just need to decide on my 6th which will come from either a runner bean or a tomato as I finally have some ripe ones. I predict that I will score between 75 and 80 out of 120! There's nowt so bracing as sticking your neck out and watching your head get cut off!



The Northern Horticultural Society side of the show have a class called (rather grandly) the National Carrot Championship which requires a set of 3 long carrots and a set of 3 stump rooted carrots. I have entered this also. No doubt Graham Watson and Peter Clark will also be entering this class so it will be a fine opportunity to compare my roots against the very best in the land and see how far I still need to progress. Welsh Branch run something called the National Tap Root Championships where you have to stage long carrots, parsnips, long beet and stump carrots and I've always wanted to enter that one day. Calling myself National Carrot Chumpion will do for now though!

T minus 3

I think you'll all agree i'm showing amazing restraint against the disgraceful barrage of abuse directed at me from the Northern Buggery Brigade. As far as I can tell I've done nothing to warrant it (really?) so I shall rise above it and let my veg do the talking on Friday morning.




With that in mind one of my set of six will be celery. If you'd told me that 12 months ago I'd have laughed at you based on my previous lack of success at growing celery, but I've given my plants a lot more care and attention this year. Regular sprayings of Decis have kept the leaf miners at bay and recently I've also given them a dose or two of Bumper and so far have no signs of the rust that has crept onto my crop around about this time of year in past seasons. They've also had more water and feed than an african elephant. I've managed to get them to 22" of blanch, 14" around and 44" tall. Although they're lovely and clean they're not huge but then I didn't see any what I considered large celery at Llangollen so I'm assuming this year's weather my have been a factor in that.

I also have a 2nd wager running which is currently only at one fifth of it's journey, namely the 20 quid challenge with NVS National Secretary David Thornton MSc, FNVS, TIT based on who picks up most tickets at 5 shows this season, namely Llangollen, Harrogate, Malvern, Westminster and Derby. I wrote about it for the NVS magazine and have received several comments about it. One chap who knows us both said he was in a fit of hysterics whilst reading it. He'll be pleased to know i've started the second instalment for next year's magazine.



Dave beat me hands down at Llangollen and has thus built up an early 110-0 points lead. However, there are moments in life that are like manna from heaven and one such was when Dave walked into the Royal Pavillion at Llangollen and suddenly realised to his absolute horror that he had left his tomatoes 120 miles away in Derby. When Ian Stocks told me this at 4am next morning I couldn't believe my luck.......he may well beat me again this season but that particular story will certainly help to counterbalance any pain. At the weekend my ancient friend Ian Taylor also left his carrots on his kitchen table meaning that he couldn't stage them at Seagrave, although I was so far ahead of him on points that it wouldn't have mattered as he finally conceded that I was a far better grower than him. What these two cases illustrate is how easy it is to make a mistake when you're stressed up preparing for a show. When I get into my loaded car the first thing I do before starting the engine is to run through the schedule and tick off all my entries, getting out and re-checking in the boot if i'm in the least doubt that I have loaded a set of veg. In this way I have always avoided looking like a complete prat once I reach the Show.



After Harrogate this weekend my thoughts will immediately turn to Malvern the weekend after and I got a surprising email today from Mr. Thornton himself. His wife has arranged something on the Friday evening before Malvern (I won't say what as it's a bit embarrassing) meaning he cannot get to Malvern to stage his exhibits. The trusting muppet has only gone and asked if I'll stage his veg for him! It will be very interesting to see how the judges react to tomatoes staged upside down with cocktail sticks poking out of them, parsnips with tyre marks, celery tied with gaffer tape and shallots with felt tip faces drawn on them.

Harrogate T minus 4

Well now, what with my two local shows being safely tucked out of the way with a few confidence boosting wins under my belt I can finally turn my attention to what promises to be the biggest moment of my showing year, namely the inaugural BULLSHIT BLOGGERS Challenge at Harrogate this Friday morning. The Northern NVS collection of 6 only requires single specimens so it's an excellent starter class at this level for the likes of myself and fellow bloggers Paul Bastow and Dan Unsworth, plus any other top level novices that want to join us. Rules are 10 quid to Dave Thornton before staging, winner takes all decided by the number of points scored as marked on the tickets by the judges.



When pulling our veg and making up matching sets you will often find one superb specimen that doesn't match any others. Local shows may have a class for a single veg/flower/fruit as mine does, but invariably you have to leave it at home which can be a shame. This makes the Northern NVS collection class a very popular one amongst the top growers and I understand from speaking with a few that there are very often 20-30 entries. As for us, we can have our own little show within a show with the winner taking the pot and bragging rights for a year. Of course we all know it's gonna be me but I don't want to put them off, so as a little incentive and at huge financial outlay to myself I've come up with with this rather splendid certificate for the 'winner'.

I could probably stage a radish, kohl rabi, courgette, cherry tomato, ball of belly button fluff and a piece of snot as my set of six and still beat the Yorkshire batty boys, but I shall be taking it seriously and will be revealing my set during the course of the week.

Hold onto your hats, cos this one is gonna be a whole lot of fun, with some controversy, blood, sweat and tears thrown in for good measure!

Long carrots in pipes

Back in the Spring I set up some 4' pipes on my greenhouse border soil with the intention of growing some long carrots for a local show in July. However, when the time came the foliage was so strong and lush that I decided to let them carry on growing to see what turned out come the main show season. I pulled some stump carrots 'Caradec' for the July show instead.

At the weekend I finally exhibited these long carrots at Seagrave, winning with some stocky specimens that were a little bit lacking in uniformity and were a bit rough towards the bottom of the root. This roughness was down to the watering, or rather lack of it from July onwards when I really left them to their own devices. The top 18" were a good condition, but then there were many side roots as the plant sent out secondary roots in search of moisture. I plucked these off so that each carrot appeared to be one long root but you could clearly see where I had done this. However, they were good enough to win a village show and I think it's an experiment I will replicate next year and try to do a better job with the watering to get better roots ultimately.

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Seagrave 2011

I never cease to be amazed by the residents of this small village as they bid silly money for each lot at the after show auction. I've been attending this show for over 15 years now and whilst the flower exhibits were understandably down this year it was still a quality show and a privilege to help Kay Bint organise it.

It's a few years since I managed to win most points in show but I finally cracked it this year thanks to 12 wins. I also won best exhibit in show for the very first time with my Top Tray entry. My Sweet Candle are getting better with each passing week.

In a moment of huge controversy I also picked up a bonus win in the fruit cake class beating many women, including my wife into third place. In a particularly squalid case of sour grapes she complained that my cake was burnt! I mean....honestly! If I was fairly beaten I pray I'd show a little more decorum and accept defeat with good grace!

Errrr...you still ok to do me a trug for Harrogate this weekend my darling?

Problem solving on a daily basis......

This interweb mullarkey is a wonderful thing. Once upon a time, pre-WWW, if you had a problem with one or more of your crops you 'lost' a season until showtime when you might be able to tell a fellow grower of your problem and hope that he came up with a solution for you to try the next season, then and only then. Nowadays however, a grower has access to all sorts of useful information and can often find a solution to the problem with a quick google. However, the best source of info I find by far is the NVS's own forum where several of the country's top growers have sod all better to do and are usually to be found lurking on there waiting to answer your questions. So if any of you aren't members I would urge you to part with your 17 quid and join up in 2012 as you need to be a member to access the forum. If you don't find it immediately worthwhile I will personally take it upon myself to refund you 17p.




It was on the forum that I came across this little gem of an idea offered up by NVS legend and pickled shallot maestro John Trim. A conversation 'thread' was started about the best way to store runner beans in the run up to a show. I've always wrapped mine up in damp towels, picking them three or four days before a show as they reach my selected length. However, I've always found this method quite unsatisfactory and never seemed to be able to get enough specimens to make more than a set of 6 when I may also want another set of 6 for a Top Tray, even though I grow a fairly substantial fence of 25 plants or so. JT mentioned his method of inclining the beans in a tray with the stalk end being submerged in water. Therefore I came up with this set-up, a pane of glass angled in a plastic tray so that the beans all have their toes in the small amount of water at the bottom.

And believe me this really does seem to work. At the weekend I won the runner bean class with a uniform set of 15 inchers, and managed to include an even better set of 16 inchers on my Top Tray that scored 15 out of 20 (although on that basis believe me Sherie Plumb's beans would score 53 out of 20!) The thing is all the 16 inchers were picked nearly 10 days before and were still as fresh as when they were first cut. I was very impressed and will certainly be adopting this method from now on.

Also on the forum JT posted his method of preparing pickled 'onions' which he said were the tastiest you'll ever put in your mouth. I said I didn't believe him and he'd have to prove it, and fair play he presented me with a jar at the National. These are without doubt the best pickled onions (actually shallots) I have ever tasted, not too sharp, pleasantly sweet with a mildly hot aftertaste. My youngest daughter and I have now polished off said jar having eaten them all like sweets for the past few days, so i'm going to have to make my own. JT's recipe is as follows:



One kilo of shallots-I use Hative de Niort (nothing but the best) but pickling onions will do.

900 mls of white vinegar-I use Sarsens

6 oz of white sugar

One red & one green sweet peppers-cut into strips

Sprigs of fresh Tarragon

Teaspoon of pickling spice to each jar.

THE METHOD

Put the vinegar into a saucepan with the sugar & heat until the sugar dissolves. Put to one side to cool. Peel the shallots (best done the day before bottling) put them into a bowl, sprinkle with plenty of salt & fill the bowl with cold water. Leave the shallots in the brine for 24 hours. Then drain off the brine & rinse with cold water. Tip the shallots out onto a tea towel to dry. When perfectly dry fill sterilised jars with shallots & add some of the peppers, a sprig of Tarragon & the teaspoon of pickling spice. Top up with the white vinegar. Give each jar a plastic cover & screw on the lid. They will be ready to eat 8 weeks from bottling.


This weekend I have another local show in the village of Seagrave which I always enjoy as it's a huge amount of fun. Then next week I shall be doing a daily countdown to the impending Bullshit Bloggers Challenge at Harrogate when I take on the might of the Yorkshire Homo contingent of Bastow and Unsworth (plus any others who want to take us on!) in the NVS Northern Branch's set of 6. A year's bragging rights are on the table as well as some ten quid side bets. Securicor will be on hand to follow me home.

Sutton Bonington Show 2011

This is my local show and the one I'm most involved with being on the committee and arranging the programme of talks each year, so I like to put in plenty of entries across the range of categories. And believe it or not at 5a.m. yesterday I was to be found in the kitchen cooking! I was determined to get a ticket in the 'men only' rock cakes class, after 11 years of complete an utter failure...not even a third. This year I was armed with a surefire recipe from Ian Simpson and Fiona Shenfield of Scottishland. However, my first attempt went something like this!

Not to be defeated I quickly knocked up another mix and didn't leave them in the oven quite so long this time. The result was a lot better, but I still didn't win anything yet again!. So it appears not only do the Scots send me 2nd rate peas they also send me duff recipes too! To be fair the judge was wavering between mine and another plate for the third place ticket so I really must have been 4th which is as near as I've ever got. There's always next year!

As I say, I put a shedload of entries in each year and my car is absolutely packed to the gunnels, even the passenger seat is loaded with my flower exhibits. I have various contraptions for making sure they are secure for the trip but it's still a very slow journey as I try to ensure none of my dahlias snap during transit.

As for the show I got 21 red cards, mainly in the veg classes, but I also picked up bonus wins with dahlias and cacti. For the 10th time I won most points in show and this year it was television's Midlands Today presenter Dominic Heale who did the honours with the prizegiving. Thoroughly bloody nice chap.

I got best veg for my long carrots which was a very nice change after a few iffy years and I've got plenty of equally good, if not better ones to come. I reckon I may put this one down to seed. And no....before any other tits apart from Unsworth ask those are not my footprints on the fridge!

As usual Leesa managed to construct a superb trug for me. Thankyou my dearest! We even managed to fool the judge by using one of the leeks that had gone to seed and was actually oval in profile section.

This year was the 25th Show and it's a big country fair these days attracting thousands of visitors, so there's plenty to see and do, including the dodgems at which I was particularly skilful and wily. My neck should recover by the end of the week I'm told. Bloody kids came from nowhere!