Derby 2010

Got to be happy with that. A single red card ( more on that later), 3 seconds and 6 thirds against some of the best growers in the country never mind Derbyshire.



Most pleasing was 2nd in parsnips, second only to Dave Thornton who won at Malvern and was 3rd in the National. As you can see from the photo my set in the middle was bigger shouldered but did have a few patches of canker compared to Dave's clean set to the left. If I can get this disease beaten next season I know I can compete on size and uniformity.















3rd in 250g onions with Vento. My onions have looked better and better as the season has gone on. This is one class I really want to go for next season at Llangollen.
















3rd in leeks, the set on the right. The winning set of John Croots in the middle was actually best in show. Mine were a bigger set but thrip damage on the foliage and overstripping, a common problem with Pendle Improved, did for me here. At least I beat Thornton's pencil leeks which were unplaced. He called them culinary leeks! I called them crap.














I didn't get anything in the tap root class, my pathetic long carrot letting me down, but at least I proved to myself I can grow long beet with my Cheltenham Green Top being as long as my huge parsnip (also pocked by canker).

2nd in globe beet with a nice clean set of Pablo grown in raised beds filled with garden compost. Another crop I want to try and grow well next season for the Millennium Class at Llangollen.

Out of 6 entries I got a 3rd in Top Tray. The potates are Camelot which I was hoping to grow again next season but apparently the whole stock of most of the major suppliers has been bought up by a supermarket chain so I shall be saving some of my crop to use as seed potatoes.

Not a bad set of tomatoes for the end of October from an unheated greenhouse. These all came from the upper trusses and still have nice green calyces. I shall certainly be applying the soot water feed again next season as I think this has been the major contributory factor in the improved colour of my fruits this season. I also gave Dave Thornton a bag of soot which he used around his celery and he puts that down to his best ever season for that also.

My one red card? It was in the any other veg class for these two magnificent (and by day two of the show very shrivelled) radishes. I also got 2nd for the two french beans in the class with the most entries. There was kohl rabi, various peppers, marrows etc. Bit embarrassing but hey ho.

And so that's it for another season, a season that was beyond my wildest dreams when I won a class at the Midland Championships. Now starts the planning (and dreaming) for next season when I shall be having a crack at my first ever National.

I shall spend the winter months getting the plot back in shape and making a few structural alterations to allow me to compete with parsnips, carrots and long beet, but also glancing over at my trophy shelves. I won some lovely cups and plaques but it is the little glass tankard that means most as this is the one that means I am Midland tomato champion......for a few more months at least.

Last knockings

It's my final show of the season tomorrow at Derby. This is by far the latest I have ever shown but I'm happy i've got a few reasonable exhibits. I pulled some humungous parsnips today although most have spots of canker. I shall be growing my roots under cover next season to try and combat this annual problem.



Whilst talking to John Branham at Malvern he taught me a little trick with 8oz onions. Very often towards the end of the showing season they can be looking a little wrinkly, with tide marks spoiling their uniformity. If the skin 'gives' a little near the root plate then you can probably bet the skin underneath is ripe. I skinned a few tonight to reveal nice, dark and fresh looking skins that don't have any blemishes. Give them a rub in your hands to reduce the shininess and voila!















Normally at this stage of the year i'm feeling a little depressed at the longer nights and the thought that Spring is so far away. But the good thing about being in the National Vegetable Society is that you can attend the many talks and seminars held up and down the country, so in the next couple of months I shall be hearing a talk by Graham Wagstaffe on potatoes at North Derby DA, and Charlie Maisey on tomatoes (to make me even more fabulous than I already am!) at North Mids DA. I shall also be travelling nearly 300 miles to the Scottish Branch annual seminar near Edinburgh to hear Sherie Plumb talk about her prize winning technique with spuds, and Ian Simpson on growing peas for exhibition. There is also an opportunity to buy seeds and other goodies. Can't wait.



Meanwhile, a report on Radio 5 live yesterday said that it is becoming quite commonplace for heterosexual men to greet their mates with full blown smackers on the lips. I'd just like to say that if any of my pals and show growing chums ever greets me in such a way.......I WILL kill you!

I can confirm.......

.....that the results of this survey are simply not true.......

http://uk.autoblog.com/2010/10/13/bmw-owners-even-angrier-than-white-van-men-claims-new-survey/?icid=mainukdl5link3http%3A%2F%2Fuk.autoblog.com%2F2010%2F10%2F13%2Fbmw-owners-even-angrier-than-white-van-men-claims-new-survey%2F

If anything we are the safest drivers on the road. Just ask the bloke I ran over a couple of weeks ago. The stupid twat.

Two aliens....

....landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.

''Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed.When he finally regained consciousness, he refocussed his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to f*ck with a guy who can wrap his c*ck around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

Pepper Rooney

Today I found out that some scumbag had hacked into my Facebook account on Tuesday and wrote a comment referring to that great Manchester United hero Wayne Rooney as a 'fat, useless traitor'. Tut,tut. Nothing is sacred these days.

Anyways, today I'm talking peppers, or capsicums if you want to be cleverer than you look....as I often do. Reading other folks' blogs and websites it appears it's been a bumper season for peppers. I've never won anywhere with peppers but I did have a couple of good seconds this season at Malvern with this set of 5 'Californian Wonder' below........


















.......and this dish of 3 at Westminster (middle left). I took a long time deciding on the fruits for both shows, trying to get blocky fruits with similar profiles and no skin blemishes. It paid off as there were bigger fruits at both shows but obviously not in as good condition.














I struggle to get my fruits to colour up and think it may be because I grow the plants too well and therfore they are too lush. I reduce the tomato foliage later in the season to ripen the fruits and perhaps I have to do the same with my peppers. Having said that some varieties colour up easier and John Croot grew this variety from a supermarket seed to win the coloured pepper class at Westminster.

It only needs me now to apologise to anyone who may have received texts and emails from 'me' in the last few days calling Wayne 'legend' Rooney a treacherous scouser who should be shot through the nostrils. Those damned hackers get everywhere!

Statement of intent

I've identified 17 classes that I HOPE to enter in next year's National. As it's held quite early next season, at the end of August it means I'll have to hit the ground running with my preparation during the Winter. I cannot leave jobs till the Spring as I'll need everything in place before seed sowing starts. More on this during the long Winter months

I timed my tomatoes with Malvern in mind this year, which is some 4 weeks later. If I want to have a quality set of 12 for Llangollen i'll need to make an earlier sowing in mid-February at the latest. I only have a small 8'x6' greenhouse where I grow 14 plants only in total, and picking a matching set of 6 is bad enough, but to pick 12 from half the plants will be a tall order. I shall time the other half of the plants for Malvern and Westminster as this year.

Here is Trevor Last's winning set from this year's National at Dundee.

Another class I want have a go at is long beet and I shall be setting a few drums aside for this purpose. I've been thinking that the long beet at the big shows this season don't seem to be as long as I've seen them in the past, so I'm hoping if I can get a reasonably well-matched set it won't look out of place. I need to get some seed of Long Black from Medwyn's if I can, unless some kind Scottish growers can point me in the right direction?

Meanwhile, tonight i've been receiving some texts from Paul Bastow who has been on a visit to JBA potatoes today and is now on a piss-up in Glasgow apparently. I don't know how much he's had to drink but he reckons he's going to beat me at Harrogate next year. Quite frankly, in the unlikely event that happens I'll expose my one-eyed, yoghurt-spitting trouser snake in Tesco's (freezer department - for Health & Safety purposes).

National countdown

Well, i've decided. I'm going to have a crack at next year's National on August Bank Holiday weekend in 2011 and with that in mind tonight I booked a room at a hotel near to Llangollen where the event is being held. I can't back out now.

A couple of classes at the National sponsored by JBA potatoes are for a dish of 5 Amour potatoes (pictured) and 5 Sherine. These 2 varieties used to be show winners everywhere until they were discontinued. JBA's Iain Barbour has reintroduced them so I've ordered 10 tubers of each to see if I can't get a dish of each for Llangollen. They can be ordered online:

http://www.jbaseedpotatoes.co.uk/

What about my pal Mr. Ian Taylor having a go at that one? If your spuds this season are anything to go by you should be thinking about having a go at that one Ian!

If anyone wants to know more about growing spuds then consider joining JBA's spud forum:

http://growingpotatoes.co.uk/

When I spoke to Iain Barbour this afternoon he mentioned he's hoping to introduce a new line of potato grow bags with extra holes in for the roots to penetrate through into the soil below the bag. Top lady grower Sherie Plumb will actually put lots of extra holes into the bottom of the standard polypots currently on the market, so this new innovation will hopefully make that task a thing of the past. You really want the roots to get down into the soil for water in order to get healthier, sturdier plants.

After my disastrous year with potatoes I hope to be doing a lot better next season and with Iain's help I've got a few plans to get a few plates of potatoes at Llangollen 2011.

More priceless Smithyveg advice to women

The World's shortest Fairy Tale....

Once upon a time a bloke asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'...

The girl said 'NO!'...

AND THE BLOKE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND SCREWED ALL HER MATES AND RODE MOTORCYCLES AND WENT FISHING AND PLAYED FOOTBALL AND DRANK BEER AND ATE CURRY AND LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AND PLAYED ON THE PLAYSTATION AND FARTED AND HAD A WANK WHENEVER HE WANTED......The End.

For all those confused females out there, it's simple. Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a bacon sandwich!

The day belongs to Chile but........

......it seems a shame to waste that hole! Fill it with compost and just imagine the length of the f***ing carrots you could grow in that!

Tap snap mishap

Dave Thornton has had a phenomenol year with his long roots,winning the National, Malvern and Westminster with long carrots. At Westminster he also won the tap root collection calling for 2 long carrots, 2 parsnips, 2 long beet and 2 stump carrots.





















I had also entered this class but when I pulled my long beet on the Sunday afternoon before I didn't think it would be good enough so I never bothered pulling any parsnips and long carrots. However, when I saw the long beet in Dave's collection I realised my long beet was more than adequate and I reckon I could have got a 2nd or 3rd in the class. The only problem I encountered was getting as long a tap root out of the growing medium as possible, and the solution may be in the variety I grow.....or rather don't grow. I grow Cheltenham Green Top whereas most of the top boys go for Regar or Long Black. Looking at these varieties at Westminster the thin tap root looks a bit more robust and more likely to emerge intact. As you can see from this photo my CGT snapped at about 2 feet down.






















I have one long beet left growing. At Derby there is a class for 3 tap roots, chosen from parsnips, long carrots, stump carrot, or long beet, one specimen of each only required. I shall endeavour to extract as much of the root as possible.

With parsnips and long carrots I pull 'dry', by exposing as much of the top of the carrot/parsnip as possible. A little sprinkle of water washes away any sand so it doesn't scratch the skins. Get above the root as much as possible (difficult if your drums are 5' off the ground!) and pull upwards slowly, firmly and gently. A good long root that isn't forked or bent should come up quite easily.

Decisions, decisions....

Well now, the show season is virtually at an end save for Derby Show on the last weekend of this month (bloody late show that....will I have anything left?!) so it's time to take stock, start tidying the carnage that my garden has become (lawn not mown for 2 months!) and start planning my growing regime for next year. Seed catalogues have started arriving so it's good to browse these whilst cracking one off on the big white ceramic thunderbox. Whilst going round the shows I've also made notes of different varieties that have been winning tickets that I haven't grown before. One of these was the small tomato 'Harlequin' that won at Westminster for Geoff Butterworth (another bloody nice bloke!). Gardener's Delight and Sungold are the best tasting small tomaotes but it's very difficult to find 12 (Malvern) or 15 (Westminster) matching fruits as they tend to be all shapes and sizes.

I took two sets of tomatoes down to Westminster and couldn't decide which set to put in. At first I put in my larger set, nice green calyces but perhaps not as uniform as they could be. I got out my smaller set which had slightly yellowing calyces but were pretty much like peas in a pod. Dave Thornton, John Croot and John Goodall all went for the smaller set so I was happy to go with that set (below). They all seemed quite impressed with both sets so I was reasonably confident.As we breakfasted and walked around central London they all made comments that made me think I was in with a shot.

However, upon returning I found I didn't have a ticket of any description. The winning set consisted of some quite large fruits. All the lads commented that my discarded large set was better than the winning set of 9. Ho hum!

I'm now addicted to having a go at a higher level although I am still passionate about the local village show. With this in mind I now have a dilemma on next year's horizon as the NVS National will be held in Wales in Llangollen on August Bank Holiday weekend. It's the same weekend as Leicester Show and another long standing village show that I have done for the last 15 years. Do I enter (and indeed support!)the local shows and pick up over a dozen red cards or do I have a go at my first National in the hope of getting a placing somewhere? Mmmm.....Llangollen is awfully close to the Snowdonia National Park.......

Westminster 2010

What an absolutely amazing show! I would urge anyone who can bench remotely decent veg to have a go here in future. Yes, there are some excellent exhibits from the usual suspects but the difficulty of getting veg into the centre of London means anyone could get a few tickets here with a bit of planning. I put in some fairly ordinary entries but still managed to win £30+ and cover my expenses for the day. Next year I shall be seriously going to town as there are some good classes to enter and some very good prize money.

A 1.30am start to catch a bus in Nottingham isn't everyone's cup of tea but the banter soon started flowing. I had joined the annual trip of North Derbyshire District Association of the NVS and I'd had to make sure all my veg was properly boxed up for the journey in the bus luggage compartment. After arriving at 5am I had plenty of time to get my 10 entries in. I even had time to chat to legendary NVS tomato and runner bean man Charlie Maisey. What a character he is!

After staging, a hearty full english breakfast was followed by a short stroll past the Houses of Parliament. I took this picture of the great and the good of the North Derby DA contingent in the shadow of Big Ben.





















The London Eye couldn't tempt me into a ride.















As for the show some of the classes were distinctly sparse and I know I can compete in future years.














However, the spud classes were amazing with Sherie Plumb to the fore with some incredible plates.















As for me, a couple of 2nd places and five 3rds proves i'm not out of place in the company of some of the country's top growers. Most pleasing tickets were 3rd for 250g onions (my set in the middle)...














........and 2nd in the 12 shallot class.















However, my pal Dave Thornton had a great show winning with long carrots, 250g onions, the tap root class and of course beating me with shallots. Here is the big headed twat being photographed and interviewed by Medwyn.

More photos in the next few days....right now I need sleeeeeeep!

Raining champion

It's been a miserable day in more ways than one. I tried to pull some roots today in the pouring rain with a view to entering them at Westminster in the taproot class. However, my stumps and long beet were a long way off being good enough so I've left my long carrots and parsnips alone in the hope I'll have a decent set for Derby at the end of the month. I shall still travel to Westminster more as a fact finding mission fornext year but I did manage to cut some more decent tomatoes and along with my shallots I know these should be able to compete.

Yesterday was the 123rd Sturton Show and for the seventh time I won most points in show mainly because I picked up a few bonus points with some cacti and succulents. Most points in veg went to Ian Justice who put in some excellent leeks and long roots. This show was graced by Les Stothard who won the same trophy an amazing 22 times so I have some way to go to be mentioned in the same breath. He now concentrates on breeding dahlias with the prefix 'Blyton' and looks healthy enough to give the veg men a run for their money still.

I managed a 1-2-3 with the 3 sets of tomatoes that I showed at Malvern last week, although my NVS Midland Championship winners only came 2nd to the set that won me the novice class.
















I also got a clean sweep with shallots and one old sage tapped me on the shoulder and said they were the best he'd seen anywhere this season. He obviously hasn't seen Mr. Thornton's. I now need to select my best 12 to take down to Westminster.

And at long last I've managed a red card with celery. I accidentally found a way of cleaning these up without breaking any stalks as I was trying to wash the base over the bath. One fell out of my arms into the bath and of course the water supports everything. I was able to gently turn the plant round and round, cleaning up and down the stalks and teasing out any bits of dirt from between them without fear of breaking them off. I want to try and grow celery to a much better standard next season.

Show no.9 please

Another show tomorrow at Sturton in Lincolnshire, my 9th of the season. As i've said before this is a small village with a big show and any ticket here is earned. Indeed over the years I've had many more 2nds and 3rds than wins. I think it's the last show of the season for many of the local growers so the benches tend to be quite full with quality stuff. The car needs to be loaded tonight for a 6am start to drive the 54 miles in time for the 7.30 staging start. I like to get there early so I have a prime position in the car park before other exhibitors start to arrive. I washed a load of spuds last night and was quite pleased with the skin finish considering they've been out of the ground for a couple of months now. As the skins are now so hard I actually used the scourer side of the sponge to clean them up. Even the Winstons that were scabby cleaned up reasonably well although like a prostitute who picks off her scabs before a client enters the nobbles on the skin betray where the scabs were. Sturton has a class for 5 spuds 'size and quality' so it allows me to enter some large spuds that would otherwise be too big for any other show.

I usually put about 60 entries in but as I need to conserve my energies and produce for Westminster Show on Tuesday I've only managed to mackle 40 odd together this year, including a few entries in the dahlia classes and the cacti and succulent section. Talking of cacti I got a bonus 3rd at Malvern with this set of 4. There were around 15 entries so it was another good ticket to win. I don't know why the back two appeal to me so much but my missus reckons they sum me up as a person beautifully. They merely remind me of Harvey Smith for some reason.