Malvern 2009....Smithyveg enters at last!!! And gets a bloody nose!

Here are some of my Malvern exhibits from the weekend.

Quite how they judge the tomato class and come to a 1-2-3 is beyond me. I think 10 different judges would have arrived at different decisions, and I'm convinced my own humble entry (middle right....the ones spaced apart!) was far from out of contention. One problem I have at this time of year is the calyx turning yellow rather than looking fresh and green. Talking to Dave Thornton afterwards he reckoned that legendary tomato king Charlie Maisey's recommended feed of soot water will combat this. So if any of you have a small dispensible child that you can send up a chimney to get me some soot I would appreciate it.

Just for Dan's benefit here is the winning entry in the max. 1500g onions class. I've seen his onions on his 'allotment diary' and feel sure they would have walked this class and won the £1.3million prize money. Pity about that. Next year it's being reduced to 50 quid ! That's life!

This is an overview of the 8oz onions class, with my own set being 2nd up from the bottom RH side....again not disgraced. In a rare complimentary moment Dave said the uniformity on them was 'spot on'. I think he was feeling ill.

Why do I have to work with such idiots?

Someone I know VERY well works for an employer that is very ‘pc’ and sends her on all sorts of daft courses that are neither use nor ornament to man nor f*cking beast. Last week she said that from now on she would have to describe her working day as either ‘good’, ‘great’ or ‘brilliant’ in an effort to stay positive at all times. Negative thoughts have no place in her work environment. What bollocks.

I have adapted this method for my own place of work. It’s now either ‘shit’, ‘fucking shit’ or ‘I gonna shoot some useless overpaid c*nt in the middle of his face’."


p.s. I may be offline for some weeks as I will be busy fending off stupid grievance complaints against incompetent workshy ponces who start crying when Simon shouts at them for not doing their job properly!

Down but not out

As expected I didn't move any mountains at Malvern. I got a 3rd place in the Malvern Championships side for my trug (out of 3!) and 3rd out of 4 entries in the collection of onions. I picked up 2nd place in the novice class (out of 7 entries) in the NVS Midland Branch Championships with a set of 6 tomatoes, so I guess that counts as a start!

I got to the venue just after 5am having travelled down just after midnight and kipping in the car for a couple of hours just outside Malvern. Walking into the tent and seeing the likes of Allan Young, Andrew Jones and Sherie Plumb doing what they do best was a bit nerve racking and I nearly walked out when I saw the quality of some of the exhibits, but I snapped out of it and managed to stage my dozen or so entries, starting with two vases of dahlias to calm me down a bit. And know what? I was far from being disgraced. My 8oz onions and tomatoes in the main classes, despite not getting anywhere were certainly not out of place in such grand company.

Having done my staging and after a quick cuppa in the car I then walked the Malvern ridge in superb weather with amazing views in all directions. Until 8am I more or less had the hills to myself. After a quick trot round the RHS flower hall where there is another amazing Medwyn display I went to see the fruits (or otherwise)of my labour in the Harvest Pavillion. I'm now reassured that I can compete at this level. I certainly have the dedication, it's just the time needed to get my exhibits to the next level, not easy when you work full time and are competing against retired guys absolutely at the top of their game. I shall certainly be back next year older, wiser and hopefully a bit better.

Here we go!

It's just clicked past midnight, the car is loaded and I'm just about to set off for my first ever NVS show. Today isn't going to be about cards of any colour.....I certainly don't expect to win anything but I want to be able to compare my stuff with that of the top growers to see how far I yet have to go.

Having said that Leesa has prepared a blinding trug for me once again so you never know. I have entries in 8oz onions, tomatoes and marrows as well as some dahlias (and the trug!) in the Malvern Championship classes.

Wish me luck. As Dave Thornton said in an email to me earlier......you're gonna need it! The bastard!

Smithy's in print again!

Way haaaay!

I've had a letter printed in Garden News. I was responding to some pillock of a show judge who reckoned each exhibitor should offer up an extra specimen in each dish which would be tasted and marks awarded along with the usual size/condition/uniformity etc. There would be bits of cut or half eaten veg everywhere.

My brilliantly written letter went as follows:

‘The star letter in this week’s GN really misses the point about cutting show veg and is all the more disappointing as the author is a judge himself. The clue surely is in the word ‘SHOW’. We exhibitors put on a SHOW for the viewing public to enjoy and marvel at. They want to see large, perfectly grown vegetables, fruit and flowers, not a scene of carnage. He says judging is a subjective thing but he should know better than most that there are guidelines to follow, thanks to organisations such as the NVS and RHS. If he isn’t aware of these he shouldn’t be judging. Surely taste IS a subjective thing and can never be a reason for marking up a set of ill-matched tomatoes against a dish of perfectly round and uniform ones grown to the optimum by a top showman? Besides, as most shows organisers know the judges have barely enough time to make their decisions in time for the show to open let alone having to mess about tasting each and every entry. It is a ludicrous idea.’

However, I’m very disappointed with GN as they missed of the last sentence of my letter which was the best bit. I went on…..

‘It’s akin to the judges at the Miss World competition saying “she may well be the prettiest but is she any good in bed?”.’

For some infathomable reason GN felt they couldn’t print that bit! Although, I must admit now I’ve thought about it, it does sound like riveting TV!"

Lucky horseshoe?

Had a day off from showing yesterday and did the Snowdon Horseshoe......an 8 mile diarrhoea inducing scramble and walk across a 3000' skyline ridge taking in Crib Goch, Garnedd Ugain, Snowdon and Y Lliwedd. Every muscle in my body is aching today. Hopefully, it''ll bring me some good luck at the Malvern Show this weekend. I'm feeling nervous already.

Here I am having completed the horeshoe, with Crib Goch behind me.

And here is the view back to the highest part of Crib Goch. This picture doesn't do it justice really.....in places it's a foot wide and you have to hop down onto the side of the mountain and use the top of the ridge as a sort of handrail.....whilst trying to ignore the 1000'+ drop beneath your feet.

This is the view from the end of the ridge.....look carefully and you can see people on the LH side about to start the traverse. I must have been f***ing mad!

Vento

I was chuffed to win the class for '6 onions, to weigh no more than 3lbs total' class at Littleover.....basically 8oz onions. I'm intending to enter my best set of 5 at the NVS Branch Championships at Malvern and another set of 5 in the Malvern Championships. I've always thought my onions would have competed in the past...or at least not been out of place....so now is the time to put up or shut up and have a go at an altogether higher level.

The variety is Vento and I have 20 or so bulbs all the same diameter.....but you just try and get a matching set. Some are flat bottomed, some are more 'globey', some are darker and some have totally different patterns to the lines that travel down the bulb. And then of course you have the odd little inevitable blemish or spot that just niggles away and stops a good set being a perfect set.

This Wednesday evening I shall get all my bulbs on the kitchen table (no stupid remarks please Unsworth!) and select my best sets. I've noticed that some are wrinkling but having found an old Medwyn article I soaked one in hot water for a couple of minutes and the wrinkles have markedly improved. I shall take off the old raffia ties and re-tie them all neatly and make sure the tops are cut straight and clean.

I also have a box of Tasco that I lifted late and haven't used anywhere yet. These have been drying in sawdust and I had a quick look at them last weekend and they look promising also. These may yet come into the reckoning.

Then it's off to Malvern. I hope they don't look too out of place in amongst my heroes!

Back by popular demand

It seems my wife is getting more popular than me on this website, so here is her latest effort at arranging MY VEG in a winning trug at the recent Sutton Bonington Show. I've entered this class at Malvern so I shall have to be providing her with some of my best stuff to weave her magic next Friday night. Staging is overnight which is something I've never experienced before so I guess I'll set off around 11pm for the 90 mile drive and start staging around 4a.m.-ish after a kip in the car. After seeing how my miserable entries have fared with the judges I think I'll walk the whole Malvern ridge before heading home and going back again on the Sunday (exhibitors get free passes!).

Parsnip canker

Pinnacle is supposed to be one of the more canker resistant parsnip varieties but I’ve had it with a vengeance this season. Virtually every root I’ve pulled up has had it to some extent although I have managed to clean a lot of it off with the rough side of a scouring pad if it hasn’t gone too deep. According to Dave Thornton of the NVS it starts as yellow spots on the leaves and then the spores get washed into the growing medium and hence works its way into the root from the crown downwards. The only surefire way to combat it is to grow them under cover so it looks as if I shall have to erect some form of enviromesh barrier in time for next season. Some people suggest that it can be carried on the actual seed casing so I must try and soak them in a fungicide next season also.

I’ve won at Leicester, Seagrave, Sutton Bonington and Sileby but could never have considered showing them at a higher level as I could have last season. Perhaps I just got lucky last season, but I had toyed with the thought of showing parsnips at NVS Branch level this season. Maybe next year?"



My winning set at Sileby.....





...and Seagrave.

Better shallots set for Malvern?

I've been much happier with the size of my shallots this season.....not huge but big enough with nice flat bases and the classic flask shape. I've won 4 shows with my best set, these being Hathern, Seagrave, Sutton Bonington and Sileby. I've now discarded my own strain in favour of those from the bulbs I got from Dave Thornton. I now intend to grow just these ones next season as I now have 40+ to replant. I shan't be growing any other variety such as the longue shallots after Dave said he's grown them all in his time with no success. Good enough for me.

I've also took the plunge and sent off my entry form for Malvern.....nothing too adventurous, just 5 entries in the NVS Midland Championships and a dozen more in the Malvern Championships, including a few in the dahlia classes. I don't expect to pick anything up in the shape of coloured cards but am just wanting to see my veg against the best veg in the country to see how far I have yet to progress. Should be an experience, especially the staging overnight!

Courgette Blyton Yellow?

You remember the Blyton Belle seeds that appeared to be giving me yellow marrows?

Well they only got to grapefruit size and then grew no more so I cut two small ones and entered them at Sutton Bonington last week in the class for two courgettes. They duly won, and I also got 2nd with two regular green courgettes.

A O Veg

I've tried growing butternut squashes for the past couple of years with little success as the fruits have tended to rot and drop off when still small. This year though the plants have gone mad and I got lots of fruits coming. I entered this pair in the 'any other veg' class at Sileby picking up a 1st.

Collection at Littleover

I'd won this class for the past two years but despite staging 3 cracking sets of veg and good vase of flowers I had to be content with 3rd place out of 3! No shame in losing out to two first rate displays however. My veg were Kestrel spuds, Vento onions and Cedrico tomatoes along with a vase of Mary's Jomanda.

Sileby 2009

13 red cards here but still not enough for most points in show yet again, that honour going to my flower arranging pal Gary Price (with not insubstantial help from his wife Margaret). This show is really going from strength to strength with good support from the local community, so there are no longer what I used to call 'cheap wins' anymore. All classes were pretty well contested and I had to put good stuff in to come out on top. Special mention to Melvyn Hoyes and Steph Green for all their hard work. Mel looked shattered last night but then he is 89!


Pick of my entries was my vase of 3 dec dahlias 'Emma's Coronet' which picked up best floral exhibit.





I also won the 5 ball class for these Mary's Jomanda.





And on another day of spudtastic success I won with these 3 Kestrel also.

Littleover 2009

Every card won at this superb little show is well earned and for the first time ever here I managed to win best veg in show for a dish of 5 kestrel spuds.





I also picked up the cup dedicated to the one flower/one veg class. Again, this is always a well contested class and when I walked away from staging I didn't think I had a chance. Upon closer critical inspection you spot certain imperfections in other exhibitors blooms and veg so it's always worth having a go as long as you choose two specimens as near perfection as you can get. My Mary's Jomanda was clean and nicely rounded and my Pinnacle parsnip was free of canker.






Leesa also picked up a cup (2nd year running!) for best in photography as well as a 2nd place in the savoury flan section. Many thanks to Linda Wlodarczak for the recipe!

Banned?!?

There are, of course, two sides to every story, and this fella may well be the whinging nightmare that the show organisers claim him to be, but if he has indeed been banned from his local show because he keeps winning then it well and truly sucks! I've won most points at two shows this season already and it does cross your mind that other exhibitors might get a bit fed up and not bother entering next year. As a member of 3 show committees I am aware of the need to bring fresh blood in, and novice classes are a way of doing this.

Personally, I prefer to impart what knowledge I have in the hope that people might use this information to try and beat me next time round. When I first started showing I didn't just give up because everyone else was beating me but rather I tried to find out what methods other exhibitors used to get their produce looking so good. I remember when I found that show spuds are grown in bags filled with peat or compost that it was like an epithany.

As for Mr. Micklethwaite, only the people involved know the truth. I hope consciences are clear in the society involved.

Seagrave 2009 (and 500 up!)

For the 2nd year running it was held on the same day as Sutton Bonington which means an awful lot of running around and late nights washing spuds. Thankfully next year we're deferring it a week to its traditional day of the 2nd Saturday in the month. However, I did manage to pick up 7 red cards for long carrots (these were actually the carrots from my Leicester collection last week), shallots, tomatoes, marrows, cucumbers, parsnips and heaviest pumpkin (Marg!!).....a mere 70-80 pounds probably.

The show also signalled a personal milestone in that I picked up my 500th red card since I started showing. With the Sutton Bonington result I'm now up to 523, not to mention the numerous red cards I've also picked up at various Spring Shows over the years.

More importantly we raised at least £1200 for local charities. Mick Mills won most points for the 3rd year running. Again he reckoned he'd had a disastrous year! And biggest laugh of the evening was dainty looking Gary Price winning the cup for flower arranging! What a poof!

More tattie success

I won both spud classes at Sutton Bonington and along with 3 wins at Leicester and a second at both Seagrave and Hathern I'm happy that I've got back on track with my potatoes this season after two wilderness years. There's some discussion on the NVS website about alternatives to growing in bags of peat but the truth is this season is that I grew them in ordinary compost. I didn't even sieve out all the lumps that you inevitably get in the bags and yet I've had my cleanest tubers ever, so it just goes to show you! I merely put a handful of Vitax Q4 and calcified seaweed into the bottom 2 inches of each bag.

These are the variety Winston which one me the white class.




This is Kestrel which won me the coloured class. They're showing a few blemishes after being out on the bench for 36 hours. For good measure I also came 2nd with Maxine and 3rd with Pixie.


ly

And the winner of the stupidest grin of the year is.....

......Paul Wlodarczak (aka Winklecrack). After following my advice he's only gone and won most points in the veg section at his local show! I dunno......James (Digtoplant) follows my tomato ripening advice......Dan (allotment diary) follows my carrot advice......I should be claiming commission on their winnings here I reckon! Waddya say boys? Is 10% fair?

Candle in the bin!

Despite my successes I've been hugely disappointed by my roots, especially my stump carrot Sweet Candle. Virtually the whole bed was useless for exhibition, each one being forked or fanged. Obviously some physiological disorder is to blame here as I had amazing success with this variety last year. Perhaps they got a chill at a critical time in their growth one night as I sowed quite early on (mid April) in order for them to develop a stump end, or else the attack of carrot willow aphid stunted their growth. I guess I shall never know for sure but it won't be putting me off growing this variety again. Next year I shall ensure I erect some form of cover over them to keep them snug and free from aphid attack.


Meanwhile, Dan has been having superb success up in the Lakes (big headed bastard!) with these superb roots, so it just goes to show it's still the one to grow.

'Heidi' stops the show! ***262lbs!!!

I got another 26 red cards at Seagrave and Sutton Bonington over the weekend. Full reports to follow but I just needed to get my show stopping pumpkin on here as soon as possible. It was stopping folk in their tracks and people were having their photos taken with it. It took 4 of us to move it so I don't think I'll be growing another in a hurry....but it has certainly been a fun experience.

***STOP PRESS......weighed her tonight.....119kgs or 261.8lbs. I'm claiming an allcomers record for Loughborough! Unless of course.....anyone knows better?!?

Mary's Jomanda

Here's a close up of my dahlia blooms that formed my winning 'Master Gardener' entry at Hathern. I learnt next day from a fellow exhibitor at Leicester and who judged the flowers at Hathern that he thought this was the best vase in the show. Good job that git from Humberside gets his labels mixed up!

An attack of seconditis!

All these exhibits won me 2nd places over the weekend. I thought my dish of Vento 8oz onions deserved better as the ones that beat me were barely half the size.....hey ho!

A 2nd or 3rd place in better quality competition is nothing to be sniffed at.

Valentine Low !?! Piss right off you sanctimonious southern twat!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article6817790.ece

This article has had me spitting feathers. Quite how someone with the gay sounding name of 'Valentine Low' (oh I bet your parents were cards eh?) has the cheek to take the waz out of us show growers I don't know.

We do it to create a spectacle. We put on a show for the paying public to marvel at. We have a camaraderie that someone who frequents the so called bright lights of London (the arsehole of the World by the way) could never know. It's British. And it's f*cking great!

And contrary to what you say, apart from the huge veg all show veg tastes as good as if not better than supermarket or home grown 'warts and all' veg.

So just f*ck off back under your stone you poncified pontificating poof.

The usual grief........!

I sowed the seeds back in the Winter and Spring. I pricked out the seedlings and nurtured them as they grew, keeping them warm in my greenhouses as the wind and rain howled outside. I planted them when the time was right. I tended them throughout the summer and into the early autumn, braving rain showers, hail, earth wind and fire, and protected them from all manner of foes with tender loving care and a few sprays until at last it was time to harvest them for the first shows.

Then my wife came along and spent about an hour (tops!) preparing this winning trug in the warmth and comfort of our kitchen, and the first paragraph of this posting might as well not have happened for all the grief I get for having the gall to put my name on the ticket! She does make a damned fine job of it though.....and on our wedding anniversary weekend to boot.....thanks darling! xxx