I told you he was an idiot!

Rafa Benitez has said Gerrard will continue to lead Liverscum out of the tunnel. Just as soon as he's dug it!

Sow those onions and shallots

Well I'm glad that load of nonsense (Christmas) is over and done with for another year. And hasn't the choice of telly programmes been absolutely crap? Apart from a few back editions of Ground Force and Griff Rhys-Jones 'Mountain' it's been truly awful.



Yesterday I had 4 box tickets through one our suppliers to watch the Newcastle-Liverscum game. Can't decide whether Liverscum are serious threats to Man U or whether Newcastle were seriously crap but we had an excellent day out all the same. Newcastle is a really amazing city and I'd advice anyone to have a day or night out there by the quayside. You have to feel sorry for the fanatical Newcastle supporters who turn out 50,000+ for every home game and then get served up such an inept display as that. Despite being in amongst the Newcastle fans I had a right twat of a (Irish) Liverpool supporter next to me. God I so wanted to smash the bastard's face in! However, this is a peaceful blog and I could never promote such a thing. (Hopefully, someone else will have done it!)



In the next few days I want to sow my onions for the 8oz/250g classes, the varieties I have are Vento and Tasco. It's been cold here over Xmas so I'm in no rush but I do want to get them sown before the first week of January as the idea is to get them grown and harvested by mid August at the latest for them to be ripened in time for the show season (for me the end of August). I shall sow in small trays of compost and keep them indoors. Once the seedlings are at the 'crook' stage I will prick them out into cell trays and put them in my greenhouse under lights in a 'growing chamber' of some description which I shall have to build. I find the growlight gives out quite a bit of heat and this usually keeps them ticking along and keeps them reasonably warm but I will still keep an eye out on the weather forecasts. If a hard frost is forecast I will bring them indoors overnight.

I shall also be potting up my shallots in 2" square pots in the greenhouse. The compost will be watered and the shallot just pressed into it, after which I shall not water again for a few weeks, encouraging good root formation. Shallots are hardy beasts and will survive low temperatures.

An important task I will be undertaking in the next few days is to mark off all my sowing dates in my new RHS diary. I have about a dozen of these now stretching back over the years and carefully transfer my dates from last year's to this, making any minor adjustments according to how varieties grew last season. I also make notes of my tap root mixes and make entries when these have to be ready by, as well as marking when all the Shows I intend to enter are likely to be.

One extra show that I've 'pencilled' in is Malvern as I'm hoping to have a go at some classes in the Midland Championships of the National Vegetable Society. Sadly, this will mean I will be putting in a few less entries in the other village shows that I enter as I want to make sure I give a good account of myself at a higher level. Well....that's the plan for now at any rate!

And the winner is..........

It's time for the much coveted Annual Smithyveg Awards (this is the inaugural year!) for the best exhibits I've seen in the last season.



The first award is for the best exhibit during the season grown by me!

In 3rd place my tomatoes at Hathern. http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/08/toms-at-hathern-2008.html

In 2nd place my Sweet Candle stump carrots http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/09/sweet-candle-again.html at Sutton Bonington which also won the carrot class at Littleover a week later

And the winner is......my 'Pinnacle' parsnips at Leicester Show which were described as 'national standard' by a fellow grower (I may have mentioned that once or twice before !!) http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/08/best-in-show.html



The next award is for the best exhibit at a show I exhibited at that was not grown by me!

In 3rd place are the runner beans grown by Mr M Housden at Hathern

In 2nd place is the 8oz onions grown by Mr Ian Justice at Sturton show

And the winner is the blanch leeks also grown by Mr Ian Justice at Sturton which also won best in show. They were suberb....and I really should have taken a photo of them !!!



The 3rd award of the night is for the best vase of dahlias grown by me or anyone!

All 3 prizes go to Mr Kev Broxholme as he seemed to win every dahlia class at every show I attended this season. Big headed sod! http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/10/blyton-lady-in-red-and-blyton-eureka.html

The coveted award for spouting the biggest load of horticultural horsecrap goes to
Garden Organic based at Ryton for the 15th year running. You really do talk the biggest crock of bollocks!

The newcomer of the year award goes jointly to
Steve Turnbull http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/09/well-done-steve.html and James Park http://digtoplant.blogspot.com/2008/08/great-weekend.html

Keep up the good work guys



The penultimate award is the 'I was robbed' award

This season it goes to Liam for his excellent looking collection http://veg4show.blogspot.com/2008/09/nas.html which was beaten by some dodgy looking carrots and two sets of spuds! 6 distinct types should be exactly that!!!



And the final award is for the best dishes I witnessed all season at National Level

3rd place goes to Dave Thornton's shallots at Malvern

2nd place goes to Andrew Jones' tomatoes at Malvern which were narrowly pipped......(fanfare)

1st place Sherie Plumb's incredible runner beans also at Malvern. http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/09/sherie-plumb-queen-of-spuds.html



It only remains for me to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who is sad enough to read this blog. I'm already making plans for next season but as yet I've done nothing in the garden. I hope to get out over the holiday and do a bit of clearing and tidying but the Peak District is also calling me. I need to get some fresh air inside my lungs as I seem to have spent the last 2 months either stuck in an office or a car!

Oh....and one final award for the most gorgeous creature on Earth! http://smithyveg.blogspot.com/2008/08/21-years-ago-today.html

Best team in the World !

And that's a FACT!

:o(

Been involved in making people redundant this week.....wouldn't wish it on anybody. My sincerest best wishes to anyone losing their job in the coming months. There are going to be some dark months ahead.

Hehehehe

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?

''I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?''

Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!

''Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?

''Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan."

Huge onion planted

The large onion that I was given back in September has been potted up for seed. It had started to throw out some roots at the base so I stripped back an inch or so of the outer flesh as this will rot off anyway. The 'denuded' bulb was then put onto the surface of some general purpose compost in a 12"pot. The foliage has already started to grow away and I hope to get some seed and pips off this onion in October/November next year in order to grow these for the 2010 season! It will spend the winter in my conservatory and go outside (still in the pot) during late Spring and throughout the summer.

New shallot stock

The top pic shows one of my own shallots which I've had for a number of years now. They're a decent shape but I cannot get them to make any size so I decided to beg some (see 2nd pic) from the NVS General Secretary dave Thornton who came 1st at Malvern and 2nd at the National.

The photo really doesn't do them justice...they are humungous! My wife is adamant they must be small onions. Dave insists he allows 4 bulbs to form on each clump and that any flat sides naturally round up during the drying out process. I'm looking forward to finding out and hope to be able to compete with this new stock of shallots from now on. They'll be planted up in pots during Christmas week.

Season's biggest pumpkin

Only 50lbs or so but I did manage to win a couple of local shows with it. And it was the biggest Hallowe'en pumpkin up our street last month!

Hehehe

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously."Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.""Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France!"The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.Then he quietly explained;"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any f*cking Frenchmen to show it to."

What if.........?

I'm sometimes asked which varieties are best for showing and then asked where these can be purchased as they are often not available from the large seed merchants. I buy my seed from Medwyns, Sheeley Seeds, and ESP (potatoes) but it got me thinking whether you could compete by only sourcing your seed from the likes of T&M, Suttons, Dobies etc.

I think the short answer is yes you can but you would have to have grown them exceptionally well to compete against seed which has been bred specifically for the showbench. Indeed, some seed which started off as showbench favourites such as Red Ace beetroot and Gladiator parsnip have now found their way into several catalogues.

If I had to go one season only purchasing seed from the 'garden centre' stockists these would be the varieties I would choose. I have chosen from Thompson & Morgan's seed list.

Onion Marco (small classes only)
Long Carrot Yellowstone
Stump carrot Kingston
Parsnip Gladiator
Tomatoes Shirley
Leek Musselburgh .......you'd have to sow early in heat though and grow under cover
Cauli Clapton
Marrow BadgerCross
Beetroot Red Ace
Runner beans Enorma
French beans The Prince
Cucumber Carmen
Cabbage Kilaton
Celery Victoria
Lettuce Webb's Wonderful
Peas Cavalier
Potatoes Kestrel & Winston
Shallots Longor

Quite a reasonable selection there I think and I'd be confident of putting up a good show at local level. However, I still maintain it's worth paying a little bit more for that personal touch and to guarantee selected seed that will definitely perform for you.

Today's object of hate is........

…………..or are……binmen!

Years ago they used to empty your bins by actually coming up your garden path or driveway and lugging them to the dumpster and emptying them personally into the back. They were proper men who didn’t mind getting dirty and they were duly rewarded at Christmas time with a little tip showing our appreciation of their work.

Nowadays however, WE have to bag our own rubbish into separate bloody bags and lug it out on to the street ourselves, usually at 7 o’clock in the bleeding morning in our dressing gowns when we’ve woken up in a panic and realised we forgot to do it the night before.

When they get to your house, usually sniggering their stupid smug faces off at our predicament, they then throw every single, carefully separated bag into the back of the same f*cking truck, quite often tearing the flimsy plastic bags in the process and scattering rice, tea bags and an assortment of tin cans over the road. The cans will ALWAYS lodge in front of your car tyre with the sharp edge touching the rubber waiting for you to drive into it. This is the law of Sod!

The binmen do their rounds at two specific times of the day and both are designed to cause as much upset to the general public as possible. Often it’s just before you wake up naturally with a nice stretch followed by a reassuring grope of your gentlemen’s vegetables. The sudden screech of steel on steel causes you to wake from your slumber in a the manner of a flick knife on speed, and usually leaves you with a thumping headache all day.

Or else, they deliberately decide to go down the main thoroughfares through town during rush hour when you’re trying to get to work. For this purpose they’ve left the ‘map of most economical routes to cause the least distress’ back at depot and instead are using the ‘map of routes likely to cause the most serious steering wheel chewing’ which means they will park their f*cking trucks in the most awkward sodding places whilst they amble from kerb to kerb gleefully ignoring your longing facial pleas to get a f*cking move on! No-one will be able to pass in either direction and a tail back starts to form. They then take about 10 minutes to get up into the truck in order to drive 50 yards to an equally awkward stopping location meaning you have about 20 seconds to take advantage of any space in which to pass them.

Bastards!

Hugely underrated player.......

……who had a brilliant game last night. Holds the ball up well and spreads it around sensibly. The team had a good shape about them.

No doubt when Steven ‘I can spray a 60yard pass straight to their defenders from anywhere on the park and run around like a headless tw*t’ Gerrard decides he’s fit enough to condescend to play for his country he’ll be straight back in the team in place of Carrick !

Hehehe

Woman goes to doctors. “Doctor my vagina keeps talking!”

The doctor puts her on the couch and takes a look. Sure enough her vagina starts to speak “Liverpool are going to win the league!”

The doctor looks at the woman and says, “it’s an epidemic. A lot of c*nts are saying that this season!!!”

Not much happening in the garden.....

......so I've been catching up on some walking. Last weekend a gang of us spent the weekend in the Lakes. After nailing Coniston Old Man on Saturday we spent a most convivial evening throwing several pints of Snecklifter down our throats. My apologies must go to the person who had to enter our dormitory at Keswick YHA after we had vacated it as the stench of stale farts was quite terrible.

We had then intended to get up Great Gable (see pic) in time for the annual Remembrance service at 11am but alas none of us are as fit as we once were and we were about 30 minutes too late. As my mate decided there was no way he was getting his very expensive camera out in driving rain and sleet you'll just have to take my word for it that we actually summited.

Yesterday I took part in the annual Seagrave Wolds Challenge, a 16 mile walk around Leicestershire's rolling countryside to raise funds for Seagrave village hall. This is a superbly well organised event (as is everything Seagrave decides to do) and is worth doing purely for all the free cake on offer at each pitstop. I completed the 16 or so miles in 5 hrs 37 minutes. If any of you fancy entering next year there's a website......

http://www.seagravewoldschallenge.co.uk/

Mooooooove!

Isn't it pissing marvellous how pedestrians can saunter across a busy bleeding road, very often a mere few yards from a f*cking crossing point that they can't be arsed to walk to, or else with their head stuck in one of those Hi Pud miniature cassette recorder thingummyjiggies, and then have the gall to look at you in your car as if you have no right to be on the road, or that you are Beelzebub himself carved out a huge lump of dog shit.

F*cking walk quicker you lardy-arsed, sanctimonious, po-faced snotgobblers!

Right....I've decided. This winter my object of hate will be pedestrians.........or anti-car people in general!

It pays to be nice to me!

Seeing as this lovely person praised me so much and is also so obviously an anti-slughugger I have absolutely no hesitation in plugging her product! (I can be 'bought' that way you see!)

"Hi, what an awesome blog. I love your pics and your comments are hilarious. I am from South Africa and we are hugely embracing the whole eco-friendly, tree-hugging, bird loving mentality (aka Al Gore) right now. We make a kind of plastic netting that farmers use to protect fledgling plants, vegetables and even vineyards from pesky bats and birds - in a humane way. Maybe something to protect your exquisite babies in? Check it out"http://www.plasticexports.wordpress.com/.

Plants of the Eastern Mediterranean

Had a most interesting talk tonight by John Page at our Hort.Soc. on the above subject. Would thoroughly recommend him to anyone looking for a speaker. He can be contacted via email:

earlspage.freeserve.co.uk@earlspage.freeserve.co.uk

(that's an orchid by the way!)

Went to see the new Bond film tonight........

.....never understood a f*cking word of it!

Smith 4 Broxholme 3

Phew!!!

A season's haul!

Not a bad season all things considered. But I'd swap it all next season for a 3rd place card at Malvern.

What a whopper

I hasten to add I haven't grown this onion.....I've been given it to have a go at getting my own seed and pips from. It weighs about 7lbs.

If anyone has any tips on when I should be planting it and what to do exactly feel free to pass comment.

Join the NVS

I think anyone interested in growing veg for show should join the NVS. For £14 you get 4 quarterly bulletins packed with information on growing all sorts of veg for the table as well as the showbench. You have access to specially produced DVD's on growing different veg, a library and of course entry into the various NVS-run shows should you wish.

Depending on where you live you will also get a newsletter from your local branch (mine is the Midland Branch) as well as booklets listing judges and lecturers which is useful if any of you are involved with your local horticultural society and need to book speakers.

You also get the chance to buy garden sundries at subsidised rates. However I think that the spectacle of the NVS shows is enough reason to join as there is nothing like it anywhere else in the World.

LINK

http://www.nvsuk.org.uk/index.php

Yet another European pumpkin record

Further to my post of 29th September the British and European pumpkin record has fallen again this time to a couple of brothers from Hampshire.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3183369/Brothers-smashing-pumpkin-breaks-European-records.html

Incredible but you have to feel sorry for the guy who only held the previous record (the one I saw at Malvern) for a few days before losing it to the guy from Belgium, and also that guy who in turn lost out to this new record.

It was hard work but.........

..........NOW I'M BACK!!!!!

Narak iktar tard

Off to sunny (I hope!) Malta for a week so there'll be no more posts for a short while folks.

Chick with big knockers!

So you bloody should !

Funny how England play better when he aint in the team! Spraying long balls around in the Premiership might look good and get Alan Green creaming himself but you get found out at international level with your telegraphed passes!

Anally retentive!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…….I’m a sad bastard!

Since I started ‘showing’ in 1996 I’ve won 1,136 prize cards of various colours and denomination (I know this because I keep a spreadsheet….told you I was sad!). Of those I have been most successful with the following:

Carrots 94
Pot plants 90 (various guises)
Beetroot 62
Potatoes 61
Cacti 60
Onions 58 (In various guises/weights etc)
Shallots 58
Dahlias 57
Parsnips 49
Top tray 44
Tomatoes 43

If like me you find that information interesting then we both need to get out more. Where are you taking me?

She wuz robbed!

Totally different subject today! Photography! My wife likes to enter a few photos at the various shows (in fact she has a certificate cos she went on a proper course and is now a bona fide photographist!) and has picked up a few cards in the process including a cup at Littleover.

One thing she keeps coming up against is photos like this that have been digitally enhanced or generally fecked about with! Now I'm no expert but once this happens it isn't a photograph then....is it?

I'm sure I'd soon get disqualified if I painted my carrots bright orange, whitewashed my parsnips or pumped mercury into my pumpkins to make them weigh more!

All not lost on the long carrots

Unusually I've hardly staged any long carrots this season due to the failure of my first two sowings. The first failed in the cold snap in March and the 2nd struggled through the mini heatwave in April and May. When I eventually got some going it was far too late for them to be any good in the earlier shows. However, for Sturton I was able to pick up a 1st and 3rd as they'd had that extra month or so to grow. Although they were nice clean specimens they were far smaller than I've been used to in recent seasons

Osiris

Having used up all my Sweet Candle at previous shows I used a set of Osiris at Sturton to win the stump carrot class. I'd grown these in short pipes 'plugged' into the soil in my raised leek bed and filled with my usual carrot mix. They were a little coarse and heavy because of this and the 'whips' broke off very close to the stump end because they were into the soil rather than sand at that point.

I hadn't given them any TLC at all really and I did have some fly damage which made choosing a set not as easy as it had been with the Sweet Candle but all in all I think I'll give this variety another chance next season, sowing sooner and growing in a raised sand bed.

Another Pinnacle of success

I won the parsnips class at Sturton......my 6th win out of 7 shows this season....with the variety Pinnacle. The skin condition was still good although I did have a little canker spot on one of them, which I put in my 2nd place winning set.

I shall certainly be growing this variety again next season assuming I can get hold of some seed. I'm convinced that this is a better variety than any I've grown before, such as Gladiator and Princess. I used to struggle to get Gladiator to carry its weight all the way down.

I may just switch to a slightly stronger mix next year in any case.

Transportation of produce

One of the things I've promised to get sorted before next season is to make some wooden boxes to transport my veg, especially my onions, tomatoes and long roots. At the moment I ferry my onions around in a large trug with foam packing wedged between each onion but this is far from ideal and allows them to move around too easily, potentially causing bruising (especially if you drive like I do!). Also, as my onions get heavier I feared that the handle may one day fail and the whole lot crash to the floor just as I was carrying them to the benches!

My long carrots and parsnips are simply wrapped in towels and then laid on the back seat of my car, often with other heavy veg such as cabbages placed on top of them! I will try and make some long boxes to ensure they get to the show in tip top condition.

My tomatoes generally get placed in plastic seed trays, the ones with individual compartments for square pots, each wrapped in a section of kitchen towel. Again, this has potential for disaster if something falls on them during transit so I will make wooden carry cases with compartments and a low lid so that they can't bounce out.

The advantage of wooden boxes is that they can be stacked in my boot and other produce packed around them without fear of damage to either.

2 more wins

Another couple of pleasing wins at Sturton in cucumbers (1st/2nd/3rd) and brussels (1st & 2nd). The brussel variety I grew this season was Abacus which is by far the best I’ve ever grown and gave me plenty of good sized, compact buttons to choose from.

My Carmen ‘cus’ were past their best as they had been on the vine for well over a week but were still good enough to win. Next season I may sow even later….say the end of June in order to have better cu’s for Malvern and Sturton.

Collection classes

As I’ve said before shows need to be imaginative when they produce their schedules, particularly the smaller shows and especially when it comes to the collection classes. Unless they’re going to offer big prize money it’s doubtful people will enter the collection that call for 6 ‘dishes’ of 3 or 5 specimens. Collections of this size are fine at large NVS shows and the like but are quite inappropriate at village shows. Sturton has a good idea by making it 6 single vegetables and I managed to get 1st and 2nd this year. Most growers will probably have one good specimen of each type and the class is useful for showing off all those good veg that are too large to match up with other specimens.

As you can see I put in two entries that were quite different to each other but I still put in 12 quality vegetables. I had one superb runner bean that I couldn’t match up in a set of 6 and one good shaped marrow that I didn’t have a partner for in the marrow class. At NVS shows growers will have large display boards draped in black cloth to enhance their veg but at most small village I like to keep things simple by just having the veg arranged attractively straight onto the show bench.

Another tomato win

My win at Sturton (in fact I was 1st and 2nd) with Cederico was my 6th win out of 7 shows this season, and I reckon I should have won the only show I didn't but hey-ho! I've had some lovely looking tommies this season justifying my feeding regime of alternate feeds of Tomorite, nettle 'soup' and comfrey 'soup'. I also thin my fruits out in the early stages when about pea-size, removing every other one which gives the remaining fruits more room to grow. I don't seem to get the flat sides so much these days where neighbouring fruits squash against each other.

I also managed to get 1st and 2nd in the class for a truss of tomatoes. I could have staged another set of 5 from the fruits on these two trusses.

Next year's varieties

Long carrot – Resel. New Red Intermediate from Graeme Watson
Parsnip – Pinnacle (Medwyns)
Stumps – Sweet Candle (Medwyns/Shelleys)
Potatoes – Kestrel/Maxine/Winston/Pixie (ESP)
Tomatoes – Cederico (Shelleys)
Cherry toms – Sakura and Sungold (DT Brown)
Onions and leeks – bought in plants from top growers
8oz onions – Vento (Medwyns)
Shallot – Hative de Niort (new stock hopefully!)
Celery – Red Star (Medwyns)
Beetroot – Red Ace (Shelley)
Cabbage – Globemaster (Medwyns) Kilaton (DT Brown)
Red Cabbage – Autoro (Shelley)
Runner beans – seed from a secret source!!!
French beans – Declic (DT Brown) & Purple Speckled (own saved seed)
Peas – Cavalier (DT Brown)
Marrow – Blyton Belle (own saved seed direct from Les Stothard breeding line)
Pumpkin – sent off for some from the grower of the recently crowned european record (should be fun!)
Courgette – Ambassador (DT Brown)
Lettuce – Sunny (DT Brown)
Brussels - Abacus (Medwyn)
Caulis – bollocks to caulis!!!

Shallot dilemma

Well that’s thrown a spanner in the works! I won both shallot classes (exhibition and pickling) at Sturton unexpectedly. I say unexpectedly because as you’re running around concentrating and staging your exhibits you’re only half aware of the quality of the opposition, and I was half aware that there were some big looking shallots up against me so assumed I had no chance. It was only upon my return to the show after judging and I had the pleasing spectacle of 1st and 2nd prize cards in both classes that I realised mine were more uniform and in better condition than those of my competitors. These really were bonus wins and helped me to most points in show again.

However, my dilemma was that I was going to pickle all shallots after my last show and start again next year with fresh stock, as I didn’t consider their size good enough for competing at a higher level. They do seem to have ripened nicely as the weeks have progressed and I find it quite easy to pick a matching set…..it’s just they aint very big! I think I’ll keep a couple of handfuls back for the pickling classes and grow them well away from my new stock….there….decision made!

Parsnip pulling power

I thought a posting about how I actually get my parsnips up out of the growing medium may be of interest….if you’re a saddo like me that is! Years ago I used to excavate a hole around the crown of each root then drench the hole and let the water sink in before pulling. This was (and still is) the method advocated by Medwyn Williams. Now I don’t bother and simply pull it dry with slow, firm pressure. I go around the plants and dig down a few inches with my fingers to expose the crowns and try to match up those with similar diameters. Good tapering, parsnips really do pull themselves quite a way down into the bore hole. Those with crowns nearer the surface tend to be misshapen I find.

Once I’ve selected the ones I want to ‘pull’ I will excavate the hole as I’ve already said and may just give a dribble of water over the top of the parsnip to wash off any sand, as leaving rough sand on it may risk scratching the skin when you handle it. Then I stand over it with both hands around it and pull upwards. Don’t do it quickly, but firmly and slowly. Eventually there’ll be a ‘click’ as the bottom of the tap root way down in the bore hole breaks away from the sub soil, and you can then extract the whole root, hopefully with a smile on your face as you expose a smooth skinned, gradually tapering parsnip with no side roots. I immerse the parsnip in a drum of water to wash off any excess sand and compost and then lay it gently on a soft surface (the lawn is good) out of the sun whilst I continue pulling more roots to make a set.

My selected set is then taken upstairs to the bathroom and laid in a bath full of water. I generally do my final cleaning once it’s dark, preferring to get back out in the garden to do other tasks whilst it's still daylight. It does however mean that my teenage daughters aren’t able to shower or bathe for several hours so I have to run a constant gauntlet of abuse!

Les Stothard ponders what to call his latest dahlia......

Kev Broxholme (far left) to Les Stothard (2nd from left) "What about Blyton Geovanni, Les?"

Les Stothard "I think Blyton Rooney sounds better Kev"

Blyton Lady in Red and Blyton Eureka

A couple of Mr Broxholme's vases from Sturton

Spurs 0 Hull 1

Bugger!

70 and out

My winning entry in the one flower/one veg class (Kenora Sunset dahlia and Pinnacle parsnip) at Sturton was my 70th red card of the season which is a personal best (previous PB was 69 in 2005) . It's been a heck of a season and certainly my best in terms of the quality I've exhibited, particularly in parsnips, stumps and tomatoes.

Normally I'm quite sad at this time of the season as the showing year fades out but I'm now feeling quite hopeful of making the step up to a better level next season by competing at Malvern in the NVS Midland Championships. I will be lucky to win a card there and I'm sure I will have to take disappointment in my stride, but I'm sure that chatting to some of the 'big boys'can only help me make further improvements.

Sturton 2008

Sturton in Lincolnshire is a small village with a very big show. I had a good one this year (the 121st annual show!), winning 13 'red cards' for long carrots, stump carrots, parsnips, heaviest carrot, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, exhibition shallots, pickling shallots, tomato truss, brussels, collection of veg and one flower/one veg.

I was lucky enough to win trophies for most points in the veg for the 7th year running and the most points in show for the 5th time, although I have some way to go to match the record of the legendary Les Stothard with 22 wins! Best in show this year was for a marvellous set of leeks by a Mr I.Justice, and me 'ole mucker Kev Broxholme won most points in the flowers winning all 3 dahlia classes in the process. A good day then became excellent as I had a pint in the local pub as I watched Man Utd beat Blackburn and thus leapfrog Hull in the table! Phew!

Gardener's World

Let's face it.....since Geoff Hamilton's sad death this programme has been going downhill. Alan Titchmarsh was great but the feel of the programme wasn't right....too glitzy with too much reliance of trendy camera angles. And although Rachel de Thame was very good to look at she wasn't a proper gardener was she? I know someone who was interviewed by her once about roses and apparently she didn't have a clue what she was on about.

Monty Don's tenure was a total disaster. His total non-acceptance of anything other than organic gardening was a mistake and nothing was explained properly. The show flitted from subject to subject to try and cram as much in as possible. And quite why Carol Klein got as much air time as she did bewilders me. All she ever did was pack Berryfields with cottage garden plants. Blindin!

So I wasn't very hopeful when it was announced that Toby Buckland was to be the new presenter after Poncy Don quit. However, after catching a couple of episodes recently I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. He puts forward the case for chemicals where absolutely necessary and does appear to be very knowledgeable about plants, and edible crops in particular. If you've not bothered watching it recently then I do recommend that you give it a go although be warned.....that Klein bird still has the odd slot!

No laughing!

Just found this old pic from about 1996 and one of my first ever winning entries for 'heaviest marrow' at a now defunct show in Loughborough. Where did all that hair go?