Into a Belfast pub.....

.........comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run
over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender. ' Jamie O'Conner and
me had a fight,' says Paddy.
' That little shit, O'Conner,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand.'
' That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it.'
' Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
something in your hand?'
' That I did,' said Paddy.
'Mrs. O'Conner's right tit, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a
fight.