Life is busy......

.....I work. I have 3 teenage kids, 2 of whom seem to want ferrying around to their friends’ houses on a whim. When I climb into bed at night I feel like the middle-aged man I am. So you have to do everything you can to make life slow down a bit, by cutting corners or eliminating all those little tasks that are unimportant.

With this in mind I’m amazed at the lengths the organic brigade go to in order to try and rid their gardens of slugs and snails. On a couple of forums I subscribe to whenever I mention slug pellets you’d think I’d advocated gang rape by the reaction I get. They will happily f*ck about with all sorts of stupid ideas from putting bran around their plants, to crushed eggshells, nematodes and copper strips. Some even go out at night with torches hunting for the snotty little bastards. Quite apart from the cost involved with these ideas I’m just amazed that anyone has time to fart about in such a way. And NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY BLOODY WORK!

However, slug pellets do work. Quickly. One flick of the wrist puts down a scattering of pellets. You don’t need to overdo it. Slugs and snails get attracted to them and die almost on contact. My right wrist is then free to do those important little tasks that God gave it me so to do, and I can also watch late night telly safe in the knowledge that my plants are being protected.

In the morning I will find the dead or dying carcasses of all these little plant killers and it feels good! Don’t believe people who tell you that wildlife eats these rotting molluscs because they don’t. And apparently for slug pellets to do a hedgehog any harm they would have to eat 10,000 of them. In my book that’s one dumbass hedgehog.