....for a new-build house. It was going to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide with nine turrets at various heights and windows all over the place.
It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green.
The council told me to fuck off.
So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.
Surprise surprise.......
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sleep well mate
A colleague and fellow veg grower (not a showman) died last night after a long battle against complications bought on after a bone marrow transplant. His name was Chris Henson.
He was a joy to work with and always had a superbly acidic comment to add a bit of light relief to any situation. You couldn't help but like the fella.
This year is fast turning into a complete shower of shit.
He was a joy to work with and always had a superbly acidic comment to add a bit of light relief to any situation. You couldn't help but like the fella.
This year is fast turning into a complete shower of shit.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A bad week
I had 2 solid days in the garden over the weekend doing a variety of jobs. In the past I’ve used gardening as my therapy. I used to do a bit of fishing but found that I would often be sat on the river bank thinking and worrying about work. Whenever I’m gardening my mind is completely devoid of any outside problems and I do find it hugely relaxing despite it often being strenuous. Until this weekend that is.
I had to make redundancies last week and it’s probably the most upsetting thing I’ve ever had to do, especially when you’re laying off friends and colleagues who have done absolutely nothing wrong, except being not quite as good as other workmates. Not even gardening was enough to take my mind off last week’s events.
I hope things start to improve soon because at the moment I’m not looking forward to the next few months sowing, growing and showing.
I had to make redundancies last week and it’s probably the most upsetting thing I’ve ever had to do, especially when you’re laying off friends and colleagues who have done absolutely nothing wrong, except being not quite as good as other workmates. Not even gardening was enough to take my mind off last week’s events.
I hope things start to improve soon because at the moment I’m not looking forward to the next few months sowing, growing and showing.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so
Advanced, we can take
a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him
Looking for work
In six weeks'.
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany , we can
Take a lung out of
One person, put it in another, and have him looking for work
In four weeks'.
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so
Advanced, we can take
Half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have
Them both looking
For work in two weeks'.
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can
Take arseholes out of Scotland ,
put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street and have
Half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours'
Advanced, we can take
a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him
Looking for work
In six weeks'.
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany , we can
Take a lung out of
One person, put it in another, and have him looking for work
In four weeks'.
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so
Advanced, we can take
Half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have
Them both looking
For work in two weeks'.
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can
Take arseholes out of Scotland ,
put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street and have
Half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours'
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Show veg taste is tops! (Allegedly!)
There was a letter in today's Garden News (GN) responding to an article by the Radio 2 veg man Terry Walton when he said that show veg was no good for the plate. The writer of the letter was saying exactly the opposite and I'd have to agree.
Now then.....here's the shock, horror story of the year.....I'm actually not that keen on vegetables on my plate. If I'm honest they are just something that keeps getting in the way of my meat but as you get older you realise you need a more balanced diet to keep the old ticker going so I force myself to eat veg. I love peas. I prefer raw carrots and runner beans to cooked ones. Spuds are ok when they're chips! And if God created a blander taste than cauliflowers then I've yet to come across it! Most veg tastes acceptable if cooked in a sauce or gravy.
But what I do know is that show veg tastes just as good, if not better than anything you can buy from a supermarket or a greengrocer. And what a lot of casual observers don't realise when they visit a veg show where there are lots of huge onions or extra long carrots on show is that quality of the produce is absolutely tantamount. That is if you don't mind eating veg that has been sprayed with chemicals during the growing season (I don't).
I'm also not a great one for tomatoes unless they come in liquid form from a bottle. I remember Bob Flowerdew (you know....the organic ponytailed tit that grew stuff in car tyres and old fridges) once said on TV that the show variety Gold Star was utterly tasteless. Before Cederico came along I used to grow Gold Star for the benches and would give away hundreds of fruit each season to a wide circle of people. They all used to comment on the taste, and the older ones would say how it reminded them of how tomatoes used to taste in the 'old days' !
So there you have it......show veg is just as tasteful as organic or shop bought veg. Just don't ask me because I can't stand either! LOL
Now then.....here's the shock, horror story of the year.....I'm actually not that keen on vegetables on my plate. If I'm honest they are just something that keeps getting in the way of my meat but as you get older you realise you need a more balanced diet to keep the old ticker going so I force myself to eat veg. I love peas. I prefer raw carrots and runner beans to cooked ones. Spuds are ok when they're chips! And if God created a blander taste than cauliflowers then I've yet to come across it! Most veg tastes acceptable if cooked in a sauce or gravy.
But what I do know is that show veg tastes just as good, if not better than anything you can buy from a supermarket or a greengrocer. And what a lot of casual observers don't realise when they visit a veg show where there are lots of huge onions or extra long carrots on show is that quality of the produce is absolutely tantamount. That is if you don't mind eating veg that has been sprayed with chemicals during the growing season (I don't).
I'm also not a great one for tomatoes unless they come in liquid form from a bottle. I remember Bob Flowerdew (you know....the organic ponytailed tit that grew stuff in car tyres and old fridges) once said on TV that the show variety Gold Star was utterly tasteless. Before Cederico came along I used to grow Gold Star for the benches and would give away hundreds of fruit each season to a wide circle of people. They all used to comment on the taste, and the older ones would say how it reminded them of how tomatoes used to taste in the 'old days' !
So there you have it......show veg is just as tasteful as organic or shop bought veg. Just don't ask me because I can't stand either! LOL
Parsnip mix
This is my tried and tested parsnip mix which is based on an old Medwyn mix.
15 litres sieved compost
4 litres vermiculite
3 litres sieved sand
3 litres sieved soil
2oz superphosphate
2oz potash
2oz lime
2oz seaweed
1oz hoof and horn
This does me about 11 'stations' and I need to do this mix about 4 times to do all my parsnip drums and pipes. However, I've always struggled for weight around the shoulder and top foot or so, so I asked a fellow grower off the NVS forum called Ian Stocks (who has shown and won at the highest level and is a thoroughly top chap to boot!) and he suggested I increase the ratio of soil, so I may alter the soil to 8 litres and decrease the compost to 10 litres.
His mix is as follows:
25 litres riddled(5mm mesh) bagged sterilised topsoil
25 litres peat riddled
15 litres silver sand
100 g Chempak Trench fertiliser
60g bonemeal
150g Sulphate of Potash
200g Lime
150g Calcified Seaweed
150g Seaweed meal
He mixes this in a cement mixer.
I guess you can take your pick but I'll stick with mine for now and see how I get on. Besides, I haven't got a local stockist of trench fertiliser!
15 litres sieved compost
4 litres vermiculite
3 litres sieved sand
3 litres sieved soil
2oz superphosphate
2oz potash
2oz lime
2oz seaweed
1oz hoof and horn
This does me about 11 'stations' and I need to do this mix about 4 times to do all my parsnip drums and pipes. However, I've always struggled for weight around the shoulder and top foot or so, so I asked a fellow grower off the NVS forum called Ian Stocks (who has shown and won at the highest level and is a thoroughly top chap to boot!) and he suggested I increase the ratio of soil, so I may alter the soil to 8 litres and decrease the compost to 10 litres.
His mix is as follows:
25 litres riddled(5mm mesh) bagged sterilised topsoil
25 litres peat riddled
15 litres silver sand
100 g Chempak Trench fertiliser
60g bonemeal
150g Sulphate of Potash
200g Lime
150g Calcified Seaweed
150g Seaweed meal
He mixes this in a cement mixer.
I guess you can take your pick but I'll stick with mine for now and see how I get on. Besides, I haven't got a local stockist of trench fertiliser!
I dig that sand!
It felt great to be able to get out into the garden at last on Sunday after the bad weather of recent weeks. I managed to get a stump carrot bed and 5 of my carrot and parsnip drums emptied, sterilised and refilled. By sterilise, I mean drenching the sand during the refilling process at 6-8” intervals with cheap bleach. I have another couple of parsnip drums to do this coming weekend, followed by a long carrot bed, 2 long carrot drums and a large stump carrot bed so there’s plenty to be done yet.
The sand will now be allowed to settle for a couple of weeks before the holes are bored in early March.
I also dug out the top 10” or so of the soil in my raised greenhouse beds where I grow my tomatoes and spread this on my outdoor onion and leek beds for the rains to get at it. You need to replace the greenhouse border soil every couple of years or so or else a build up of salts alters the soil conductivity and means the plants cannot take up nutrients.
The sand will now be allowed to settle for a couple of weeks before the holes are bored in early March.
I also dug out the top 10” or so of the soil in my raised greenhouse beds where I grow my tomatoes and spread this on my outdoor onion and leek beds for the rains to get at it. You need to replace the greenhouse border soil every couple of years or so or else a build up of salts alters the soil conductivity and means the plants cannot take up nutrients.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The sun is out......
Well now…..as I’m not in Scotland tramping up mountains this weekend…..and to take my mind off the continuing mess that Gordon ‘the idiot’ Brown has helped to get my company into I need to get into the garden.
First and most important task is to empty out my parsnip drums and refill them. I know that sounds daft but it has to be done otherwise it just sets rock hard and gets too compacted, making the hole-boring a tough job. Also, as I refill each drum I drench the sand every few inches with a disinfectant to kill any bugs and disease spores. This year I will be using cheap bleach for this task as Armillatox and Jeyes Fluid that I normally use are just too expensive in these credit crunch days.
First and most important task is to empty out my parsnip drums and refill them. I know that sounds daft but it has to be done otherwise it just sets rock hard and gets too compacted, making the hole-boring a tough job. Also, as I refill each drum I drench the sand every few inches with a disinfectant to kill any bugs and disease spores. This year I will be using cheap bleach for this task as Armillatox and Jeyes Fluid that I normally use are just too expensive in these credit crunch days.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Free beer
I know some plants such as big pumpkins and marrows like to have their feed supplemented by beer slops and I'm told the landlady below has lots to give away. So any big veg growers out there take note:
Lucy Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Tillet,
Herts.,
HT24 7TJ
Lucy Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Tillet,
Herts.,
HT24 7TJ
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Scotland here I come! (On hold)
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Off from tomorrow night for 3 days mountain walking, culminating in Ben Lui at 3706'.
Avanlanches notwithstanding I'll be back online on Monday, by which time all the snow will hopefully have cleared up and I can start to get in the garden a bit.
***due to unforeseen work circumstances my trip is postponed for a few weeks! :o(
That's gotta be a world record......!
Been sacked from a 'job' 8 months before I was even due to start it! LOL
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Vento
Despite my daughter's cat's best attempts at spoiling my red card chances for 2009 I have managed to prick out 2 '24' cell trays of the onion variety Vento.
Despite taking the greatest care to transplant these fragile looking seedlings they will always look as if they're close to death at this point but experience has taught me it won't be long before they perk up as they start to develop more roots and leaves.
This variety is for the 8oz/250g classes (careful.....8oz is actually about 229g) and I saw it on Medwyn's stand at Malvern last year. A fellow grower, Richard Smith from Littleover also grew it last season and rated it highly.
I shall also be growing my usual variety, Tasco, but alas the cat succeeded in completely knackering this tray so I will need to purchase some more!
Onion for seed
The huge onion that I was given back in October and planted for seed seems to be growing away nicely. I planted it in a large pot having stripped back a couple of inches of the outer flesh to stop it from going rotten.
It has thrown out two sets of foliage and has been kept in my conservatory over the winter. It does get quite cold in there at night but I haven't overwatered it so it seems quite happy. When the outside temperatures improve I shall house it in my greenhouse and then leave it outside to fend for itself over the summer months before it hopeully throws up some flower heads in the early autumn.
I'll take further pictures during the spring and summer to show how it's progressing.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Top Gear star Jeremy Clarkson.........
........was under fire after reportedly branding Gordon Brown a "one-eyed Scottish idiot".
Let's look at the facts (as Rafa Beneathus would say!)
Gordon Brown IS Scottish.
Gordon Brown IS one-eyed (lost sight in an accident apparently)
Gordon Brown IS an idiot.
Can someone tell me why Clarkson has got into trouble exactly because I'm buggered if I know why!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The difference between men and women
HER DIARY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him.Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything.We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me?
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we made love. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted. So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep.
He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you think he's met someone else?
HIS DIARY
My show onions got white rot today. Gutted. Got a shag though.
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him.Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything.We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me?
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we made love. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted. So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep.
He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you think he's met someone else?
HIS DIARY
My show onions got white rot today. Gutted. Got a shag though.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Have you all ordered your spuds?
Rafa Beneathus has ordered Anfield ground staff to plant spuds around the pitch perimeter.
That way they'll have something to lift at the end of the season !!!!!
That way they'll have something to lift at the end of the season !!!!!
Aaaaaagh f*cking b*ll*cky f*ck sh*t w*nk kn*b !!!
Picture the scene......two trays of onions for the 8oz class (Vento and Tasco)....germinating nicely, alternating between a warm kitchen windowsill (nights) and a conservatory (days) for maximum light.Now picture the same scene....except this time the compost in the trays in question have several bleeding great dents in them the size of a cats paw print.
Does anyone still make violin bows the traditional way? With cat gut?
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