Another thing that winds me up about social media gardening
groups is when you advise someone on a particular insecticide/fungicide for a
problem and some new-age, ecowarrior, knobthwaite cockfondler pipes up about
making sure you have a valid sprayer’s licence, full body protection with nipple
softeners and plastic cocksock etc etc etc. Oh do me a favour, go put your head
between two rounds of bread and make yourself a cunt sandwich. I actually know
someone who has a sprayer’s licence and I have serious doubts that he manages
to put his own fucking shoes on each morning, so having a licence is no
guarantee that you’re able to use chemicals wisely. If I want to use chemicals
I’m gonna use ‘em so unless you’re gonna get the PC Police out to raid my
potting shed keep shut yer fecking cake’ole. There’s also nothing quite so good
at getting the organic keyboard warriors going off on one than to mention a glyphosate
based weedkiller manufactured by the apparent evil corporate bastards at Monsanto,
it really is great fun winding the twats up. However, they will often recommend
their own home-made concoction that has had no scientific testing done and
which, as far as I can tell, is an acid. I think I’ll stick to Roundup
personally. Gallons of it. So fuck off.
Moving on, Epsom salts are fast becoming my ‘go to’ solution
in the garden when a plant looks a bit out of sorts, especially when it comes
to greenhouse tomatoes. A couple of months ago my plants were almost yellow but
daily sprays with an Epsom salt solution have somehow greened them up into
decent looking plants with heavy crops of fruit promised for show time.
However, I’m not stupid, this is the 2nd season in a row that this
has happened. Despite flooding the soil prior to planting to mimic winter rains
and flush through any excess fertilisers there is obviously an issue with the
soil in the border that the tomatoes grow into, so I’ll be sure to change the
whole lot before next year. I may look to have a crack with some compost tea as
an alternative, something that Gareth Cameron has had brilliant results with
and which would be preferable to lugging a couple of tonne of soil around.
Before the season started I was wondering what small fruited
tomato to grow for show, having grown Marshalls’ Montello for a one off
competition at Malvern last year. I’ve grown various varieties down the years
with varying degrees of success, including Harlequin, a small fruited plum
variety, to gain a 3rd place ticket at the National. Unlike other
vegetables there appears no single cultivar that rules the roost so this season
I plumped for Strillo which I had seen win at the highest level before. And I’ve
been picking fruits for the kitchen for a few weeks now, but the plants still
have many to come so I’m hopeful of having some dishes to show during
September, including my local show where the small fruited class has, in
brackets, (not plum), so I could never enter Harlequin. The only downside I’ve
found with Strillo is that is does have a tendency for the fruits to split,
even before they’re fully ripe so we shall see.
My Evening Star celery are progressing reasonably well aside
from the usual slug issues. On advice from a former celery National champion
Paul McLeod I’ve top-dressed around the base with some fresh compost to encourage
further rooting, and this weekend I’ll put some black dpc collars around the
cardboard ones to shut out all light. At the moment they’re on 18” collars. I
haven’t decided whether to put a 20” collar on yet, as I may just leave them as
they are and try and get them to bulk out. From now on they just need water,
water, water, but I will start feeding with Chempak 8 in a couple of weeks time,
plus a feed of sulphate of potash 3 weeks before the shows to harden them up a
bit.
And it’s taken a few years since the retirement of the great
Sir Fergie but it now looks like Manchester United will shortly be back ruling
the roost if recent signings are anything to go by. Despite a few relatively
barren years when, to be quite honest, United have been playing completely
wank, they still managed to win more trophies than Liverscum, Manchester Shitty
and Totteringham Hotshite combined, to become the most successful club in
English football history.
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