Will you PLEEEEASE stop f***ing raining!

A month ago I thought I was in for another disastrous tomato season as the plants went all spindly and the foliage started going yellow and mottled. At the time I thought it might be down to my soil becoming toxic, a lockdown of the nutrients caused by not having Winter rains wash through any surplus fertilisers. However, as I religiously pour several buckets of water over the borders during Winter I was disappointed to think that might be the case and not looking forward to the inevitability of having to replace all the soil next Spring. I fed the plants with strong solutions of comfrey and nettle brew, as well as regular doses of Tomorite, and sprayed the foliage with Epsom Salts and gradually it seems to have worked and the plants have started to look much healthier and getting to look something like i'd expect, albeit they are still a bit spindlier than i'd like. It appears the larger than usual differences between daytime and nightime are the probable causes of the tomatoes looking so poorly, although I'm sure the poor light levels have also played a part.


One of the problems with most modern tomato varieties is the sheer weight of the fruit causing the trusses to collapse or even snap clean off the plant. I find this a particular problem on the lowest truss whilst the plants are still quite small, so I solve this by threading string around the central stem of the truss and tying it to a horizontal cane that runs just below the eaves, and which I use to tie all the vertical canes to for stability. It's a bit awkward but it does work and gives you an extra choice of fruits for earlier shows. As a 'vine ripe' variety Cedrico will stay on the plant in very good condition for 2 or 3 weeks.

I am now methodically going along each plant and examining all the trusses in order to thin out any fruits that are either malformed or that I think are growing too close to its neighbours. By taking one out the two either side have more room to swell out and grow nice and round, and you avoid any flat spots that a judge can use against you in close competition. It can look a bit drastic on some trusses and requires a leap of faith but it will be worth it.

I tend to leave the cluster of fruits at the ends of the trusses on. These never grow very large but I think they act as a buffer and stop the main fruits on the truss getting too large. I've actually won a heaviest tomato class with a Cedrico. To all intents it looked like a beefsteak variety although every other fruit on the plant was normal sized, and on occasion I find you can get a few oversized ones forming.

I am also growing a single beefsteak type plant, the variety Marmande, and this appears to be growing pretty well. The reason I'm bothering is to be able to get an entry in the Northern Horticultural Society's side of the Harrogate Show, calling for a tomato collection whereby you need 3 beefsteaks, 5 medium tomatoes (Cedrico) and 6 small fruited (Sungold). There is good prize money on offer and there wasn't a lot of entries last year so I hope some of you reading this will have a crack. I know Bastow and Thornton are intending to enter so as you can see there's not a lot to beat.

When I win the lottery i'm going to buy a huge walled garden, cover it over with an Eden Project type dome, install thermostatically controlled heating, day-length controlled supplementary lighting and then I will guarantee winning every show I enter. Until then I have to struggle on like most mortals and this season has surely been the most successful ever at making you realise just how mortal you are. A few weeks ago I started thinking I had played a trump card by sowing late to cover the late September Shows as I didn't intend showing any earlier. At that point I considered that the sun MUST start shining sooner or later, and the rain would surely stop at some point and my small plants would soon catch up with everyone elses'. But the Jet Stream still resides south of GB and means we're getting all the moist, squally weather that is being dragged from the Atlantic and getting mixed up with warm air from the Continent. Plants are simply sitting still in the sodden ground although recent news suggests that it is starting to move its sorry arse northwards back to where it should be. However, as I write it's still sodding raining heavily and feels like it has been for weeks. It is getting serious now as no plant can thrive outdoors in this for much longer.

The Jet Stream is an amazing thing. The Japanese first cottoned on to its existence in the 1920's and utilized it during the early part of WWII to send balloons packed with explosives across the Pacific to the American mainland. A few landed successfully and caused the deaths of some inquisitive kids. It took the Yanks a bit longer to work it out (doesn't it always?) as they couldn't understand why their bombs were overshooting their targets on Tokyo and landing in the sea when dropped from high altitude but when they did nail it they bombed seven buckets of shit out of the slitty-eyed little fuckers and the rest is history. There are actually several Jet Streams around the globe and of course they are fluctuating things that can change shape, course and direction as we are finding out to our cost at the moment.

It has meant that several country shows have already been cancelled or severely curtailed and you have to wonder about the possibility of the main August and September show season being affected as well, with the likes of Harrogate and Malvern being susceptible, their large public parking spaces being on grassland rather than hardstanding surfaces. It may well stop raining but it will take a while for the ground to dry out enough to drive thousands of vehicles over. It would be a travesty of justice if I was denied my opportunity of winning the National Pea Championship because of the weather. Jet Stream...please go home!