Pipe hype, bad dad and mixer fixer

At the weekend I set up 24 pipes in my greenhouse for long carrots. These are purely to continue experimenting with the pipe concept and because i'd like to try and show off at a local show in July and bench a set of 3 long carrots. I showed 3 elongated stumps last year that hadn't formed a proper stump end and yet got best in show, although I was far from happy with them. The key is certainly in the watering. I shall also have to cover them somehow as I'm sure the carrots will go green through the white plastic. Medwyn found to his cost that a load of his display spuds went green when they were stored in white buckets despite being covered in black peat.

It was quite a fiddle setting them all up, as I had to make a secure wooden frame to screw the back ones to, and the the rest were wired to these to ensure that none of them can move let alone fall over. My mix was very simple. I used 4 parts sieved potato compost from last year's bags to get out all the old potato root and tiny volounteer spuds left behind, and 1 part silver sand. It always seems such a waste just tipping the old spud peat onto the borders and this way I get another year's show crop out of them hopefully. I added a little bit of calcified seaweed and Tev04 to each pipe. This is a very simple mix and indeed for my main sowing of long carrots in April i'm adopting Ian Simpson's mix which is just Levington F2 with added silver sand and some calcified seaweed. He's convinced carrots don't need excessive feed and after a disappointing few years with my own long carrots I'm inclined to agree with him. His results certainly spoke for themselves last season.

In many ways and at first sight the pipe method appears easier than drums full of sand by the very nature of not needing to empty out and refill several tonnes of the stuff, then the hard work coring out the holes, but it does take an awful lot more mix to fill a pipe. If my memory serves me right I can fill a bore hole in sand with about 3 litres of mix, whereas the pipes took about 16. Last year I neglected the watering after July and ended up with superb, heavy roots for the first 20" then a load of roots going off in all directions, so I need to pay much more careful attention this time around and give them a good drink at least every couple of days.

A detachable bottom front board should enable me to excavate down into the border and get as much of the thin (hopefully central!) tap root before I disconnect each pipe. This is then carried onto the plot and laid on its side so that the root is gently pulled out of it by the foliage. A bang on the side of the pipe usually helps unsettle the compost and it slides out reasonably easy. In fact, I can think of a few other things that slide out easily after a good bang.

I've also been dealt a terrible last minute problem. I was going to have my dad's large greenhouse to grow my onions in as he said last year that he couldn't be bothered with it any more. So I duly made plans and worked out where I was going to place said greenhouse, planning to dismantle it and erect it one weekend in April. However, the contrary old tosspot has now decided to keep it because, and I quote, 'It's handy for doing my hanging baskets in when it's raining'. Well thanks a fucking bunch dad you awkward old sod. I gave you some of the best times of your life (wiping my arse/nose, trips back and forth to hospital, dodgy school reports, friends' dads saying they were bigger than you, cleaning up sick from the carpet after my 18th birthday, cleaning up sick from the carpet after my 21st birthday etc) and now you do this to me. Gratitude. Never trust an OAP as they're truly evil. I now have the big problem getting somewhere to grow my onions this season. Git.

However, I have managed to procure a 2nd hand cement mixer in good condition for 40 quid from a work colleague so I should be able to whizz through my root mixes in record time this year. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes God punches you in the goolagongs with one hand and then gently caresses them with the other.