Had a real weird dream last night.....

....was more of a waking nightmare I guess. I dreamed that Manchester United were playing Barcelona in the European Cup Final but it was actually Carlisle United who turned up. As a consequence we were beaten 2-0! It was awful!

Mass planting time.

The Spring Bank Holiday weekend is always a very busy one planting wise. It's usually safe that I can plant out the first of my tender plants without any risk of future frost ....but not certain...keep an eye on the weather forecast! With this in mind I've planted out my celery and a pumpkin, and have sown my first french beans and courgettes.

At home my cabbages are making regular growth. I've also took the opportunity to plant up my surplus onions, brassicas, celery and pumpkins on the long strip of land that I've been loaned on a local smallholding. I've also sown a couple of rows of beetroot 'Boltardy', carrots 'Early Nantes' and 'Purple Haze' and turnip 'Purple Top'. It was a pleasure planting into land that has already been kindly manured and rotovated for me by the owners, so all I have to do from now on is water and weed. How easy is that!?!

I've planted all of my tomatoes into the greenhouse borders, and in front of each plant I've inserted an upturned plastic bottle with the bottom cut off through which I can water during the season. This allows water to get straight to the root and also keeps the surface of the soil bone dry.....tomatoes hate humidity.

I've planted my peppers (Luteus) 2 or 3 to a large pot and these will be grown in the same greenhouse as the tomatoes and take the same feeding regime.

And thankfully Hull survived despite their beating by Man Utd's 3rd team so I can now fetch the dahlias Kev's grown for me without embarrassment. On the subject of dahlias apparently Garden News is soon going to be running an article on the legendary Les Stothard who as well as raising the Blyton strain of dahlias was also the mastermind behind the marrow Blyton Belle, which I believe is unbeatable when grown well. I'm growing another of his marrows that he says has the potential to be even better than Belle so we shall have to wait and see.

Getting fruity

At Sutton Bonington there is a class for one flower, one veg and one fruit. As I only had one apple tree in the past I have always had to rely on an apple. But being a scabby Cox it often lets me down in the class. So I'm very happy that for the first time in 8 years since I planted it my fig tree has got some fruit on it. I gave it a drastic pruning in the Spring and it certainly seems to have responded by setiing 5 small fruitlets high up. I hope the birds don't like them!

Just in case they do, my apple tree has plenty of small fruits showing before the inevitable 'June drop'.

First spud shoots up

This is Winston at the front, a white variety. I topped up the bags with more compost which is like earthing up in the open ground, but the shoots have now come through this and are now above the top of the bags. I'll need to keep an eye out on the weather forecast as I don't want frost nipping this early growth.

These bags and pots have Maxine and Pixie and are just breaking the compost surface. I shall be topping these up with compost in the next week. The pots are not such a good way of growing exhibition spuds as they don't flex like the bags so the swellling tubers have nowhere to go. I've been buying more bags each season and will stop using the pot method eventually.

Parsnips looking good

I'm fairly sure the Pinnacle parsnips are on a par with those I grew last year, but it's always a good idea to inspect them regularly for aphids. I've spotted a few lone marauders and have squashed these before they get chance to colonise.

Shallots growing away well

The raised wooden bed I made to plant my best shallots into has worked a treat so far. Being able to tend to them at chest height has taken the strain off my back. (In front of the bed are a couple of drums containing a few more long carrots, which as yet are barely an inch or so high).















The Dave Thornton strain has some really strong tops and are currently as big as some of my own strain that I normally harvest in June. If they carry on swelling at the current rate I should have some stonkers to show. I gave my own shallots a potash feed but these one's don't seem to need any excess feed at the moment.














I planted my own shallots alongside these Vento onions, and both seem to be growing away well. I thinned all my shallots down to four and don't seem to be noticing any decrease in the size of each bulb....if anything they seem bigger than last year. The Vento onions seem to be a good variety but as I haven't grown it before I shall have to experiment with the diameter at which I harvest in order to make sure they stay under the 8oz mark.

Chez Smithyveg

Hardly 'yellow book' quality but it's my little bit of paradise.

Life is busy......

.....I work. I have 3 teenage kids, 2 of whom seem to want ferrying around to their friends’ houses on a whim. When I climb into bed at night I feel like the middle-aged man I am. So you have to do everything you can to make life slow down a bit, by cutting corners or eliminating all those little tasks that are unimportant.

With this in mind I’m amazed at the lengths the organic brigade go to in order to try and rid their gardens of slugs and snails. On a couple of forums I subscribe to whenever I mention slug pellets you’d think I’d advocated gang rape by the reaction I get. They will happily f*ck about with all sorts of stupid ideas from putting bran around their plants, to crushed eggshells, nematodes and copper strips. Some even go out at night with torches hunting for the snotty little bastards. Quite apart from the cost involved with these ideas I’m just amazed that anyone has time to fart about in such a way. And NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY BLOODY WORK!

However, slug pellets do work. Quickly. One flick of the wrist puts down a scattering of pellets. You don’t need to overdo it. Slugs and snails get attracted to them and die almost on contact. My right wrist is then free to do those important little tasks that God gave it me so to do, and I can also watch late night telly safe in the knowledge that my plants are being protected.

In the morning I will find the dead or dying carcasses of all these little plant killers and it feels good! Don’t believe people who tell you that wildlife eats these rotting molluscs because they don’t. And apparently for slug pellets to do a hedgehog any harm they would have to eat 10,000 of them. In my book that’s one dumbass hedgehog.

A disrespectful Spanish prick.

2nd best team in every way and a 3rd rate man in charge. But what do you expect from a man who's face resembles a fanny?

Where I'm 'at' !

Medwyn Williams always says that how many red cards you get in the autumn depends on how much work you put in to the plot during the Winter and Spring, so if that's true I really hope I've got some good results to look forward to. I've been busy beavering away the last few weeks sowing seeds, potting on, planting and digging but like anyone who works full time I always wish I had more time to devote to my hobby.

My parsnips 'Pinnacle' and stump carrot 'Sweet Candle' are on a par with last years seedlings but yet again I fear disappointment with my long carrots. The Graeme Watson seed has failed to germinate in sufficient numbers and those that have look decidedly 3rd rate.

I've planted out my first cabbages and these seem to be growing away well. However, my brussel sprouts 'Abacus' are very small and I reckon I'll struggle to exhibit any in early October at Sturton. Despite failing abysmally on an annual basis with cauliflowers I'm having one final go albeit with the green curded 'Romanesco'. I'm hoping I can at least have a head of decent size that may be a useful addition to one of my trug entries. You never know, if I get two I can always enter it into the 'Any other veg' class as most shows near me have deleted the cauliflower class through lack of entries.

On the onion front, the variety 'Vento' (for the under 8oz class) is performing better than Tasco which has always been slow growing for me. I have plenty of 'Red Baron' and 'Setton' from sets, as this is quite a popular class around here. Apparently an experienced judge can tell if the onion has actually been grown from a set rather than seed but they all look the same to me. I shall try and 'pull' all my onions over a period of time once they have reached a set size (say 4" diameter for my large onions in the greenhouse or 2.5-3" for Vento and the sets) so that I have plenty of bulbs to choose from. This can start from about mid-July and last until late August but either way you want to be exhibiting a set of onions that has been out of the ground for at least 4 weeks so that they have had ample time to ripen.

All of my shallots have now been thinned down to four including the superb ones given to me by NVS secretary Dave Thornton. I will be amazed if they grow as big as their parent bulbs but I live in hope.

I sowed my first row of globe beetroot 'Red Ace' last weekend and another one this weekend. Another couple of rows will be sown for the next 3 weekends and should be enough to cover my season.

As yet my first peas and runner beans are just breaking the compost surface but there is no sign of life from my marrows sown early last week. I will be sowing more of these crops over the coming weeks.

I've just about planted all my spuds but I do have several 'Maxine' and 'Pixie' left over which I will endeavour to get planted up by the end of the month. Hopefully, these will give me fresher specimens for my later shows such as Sturton and (dare I say it?) Malvern.

In the greenhouse I have peppers/aubergines/lettuce/celery and cherry type tomatoes. I planted my first 6 'Cederico' tomatoes yesterday in the greehouse borders. I also have 4 pumpkin plants of the European record breaking pumpkin that was seen at Malvern last year. I shall plant these on the patch of land that I've been loaned in Sileby, in the hope I can at least get one to a couple of hundred pounds or so. Any bigger and I won't be able to physically transport it to any show in my car which is usually packed to the roof with my other produce.

On this extra patch of land I also intend to plant my surplus of onion sets and cabbages, as well as sowing more carrots (for the pot), beetroot, peas, french beans, courgettes and leeks (also for the pot only).

I've managed to take a few dahlia cuttings but am having to rely on some others from Kev Broxholme as my Kenora Sunset and Jomanda tubers are stubbornly refusing to wake up from their winter slumber. I really need to get these off him by next Sunday as I fear by that time he may never speak to me again if Man Utd send his beloved Hull back down into the Championship from whence they came!

Who says cacti are boring?

Best team in England, best team in Europe, best team in the World....FACT!

Good, not so good and shite.

My 'large' onions were planted a week ago. They're growing well but are nowhere near last year's size. I shall try and get them to 2lbs and concentrate on getting good uniformity.

All of my shallots have now been thinned down to 4 bulbs, including these that I got from Dave Thornton.

My long carrots are performing very badly. Sparse germination in most stations and nil in others.

No such worries however with my Sweet Candle stumps.

Or my Pinnacle parsnips.

I've planted 8 Globemaster green cabbage and 4 Autoro red cabbage.

Most of my spuds are now bagged up. I have Winston and Pixie in these two beds.

MPs' expenses row escalates.

Show me an MP who isn’t a corrupt, selfish, lying, thieving bastard and I’ll show you my winning cauliflower entry at the National Championships. As the world’s worst cauliflower grower I think you can see where I’m coming from!

C'mon carrots!

My head is still thumping from 2 nights ago. Red wine and fantastic football do not mix! And it's not being helped by the fact all my long carrots are still not up. I've re-sown about 15 stations and I think next season I won't bother sowing the lot until late April.....I don't think sowing early gives you much advantage growing outdoors.

I can barely write this......

........because I'm very pissed!

Another way to grow long roots

After my 2007 disaster with these pipes I grew some cracking parsnips last year. They are mounted on some sand retained within a wooden framwork, and I poke an old pointed wooden spade handle ( like a giant dibber) way down through the sand into the soil below to give me a potential root length of about 4'. The only problem with growing in pipes is that it does take a lot more of your mix to fill them so I only grow these 10.














I had started growing these about 5 years ago in order to get shorter but fatter specimens which the judge seemed to favour at Sturton. But then they changed the judge and the new one seemed to prefer the longer, tapering specimens that I normally grow so I pulled these last year for Sileby and had some corkers....not fat like they usually were from these pipes but then it was the new variety 'Pinnacle'. They were the only one's in the class sadly but they were very clean and I wish I'd saved them for Sturton. So I may well do that this year again.














I also see from the 'It happened on this day' piece at the top of my blog that it is exactly 30 years since Maggie came to power. Boy does this country need someone like her again!

Went to see Brian Conley last night

He should be back on telly. He has more talent in his little finger than Simon 'high trouser' Cowell, Russell 'one gag' Brand and all those talentless homosexual spastics that we currently have forced on us.

Shall I, shan't I?

I was toying with the idea of sowing my first runner beans this weekend. The reason being that based on my usual sowing date of mid-May I often don't have decent beans for my first 2 or 3 shows and my best ones tend to come in the 3 week period between my last two shows. Typical! However, if we have a hot summer they can be gone past their best well before the end of August and a hot summer has been forecast!

I have some seeds given to me the legendary Les Stothard from Blyton and he says on no circumstances should I thin the clusters of beans as they will grow far too long! He says they'll get to 18" without being beany no problem....assuming I grow them well of course!

The beans below are Sherie Plumb's winning Malvern entry. What I wouldn't give to have a set of beans remotely as good as these....

Carrot germination issues!

For the second year running I'm experiencing problems with my long carrots, and even my stumps have joined them in causing me stress. Only about 30 of my 48 long carrot stations have come through, despite having a small cluster of seed in each. Surely every single seed isn't dead?

In my first bed of 22 Sweet Candle they all started popping up very quickly, but for some strange reason 4 stations down one side never materialised. I know I placed seed in each so how can this be so? One or two did emerge in the last couple of days, many days later than the first ones so now I'm in a quandary as to what to do next.....re-sow or sit tight and wait. If I wait too long it'll be too late as the ones that are through will soon swamp the late arrivals which will suffer size wise.

Decisions decisions.


Postscript: Since heard from Dave Thornton....he's been having germination issues also. Must be down to this swine flu!