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Friday, January 06, 2012

Bullshit boys are back

I haven't seen it yet but apparently my photo is once again in the January edition of the NVS magazine Simply Vegetables, prompting Dave Thornton today to call me (and I quote) an "arse licking, good for nothing,attention seeking twat". I'd sue for defamation of character if it wasn't for the very minor technicality of him telling the truth! I can only assume someone has set me up again. When will people learn their lesson? It isn't set in stone that I have to wait until the next Smithyveg Awards you know!




Anyways, back to the business of the year now that all that Christmassy nonsense is out of the way. I am happy to announce that the 2012 BBC event will be contested in the 3x20 pointer class in the NVS Northern Branch Championships at Harrogate in September. It will be changed this year after complaints from the Pennine Sausage Jockeys that they couldn't possibly beat me in the 6x1 collection and could we make it easier for them? Awww bless. Anyway, i'm a fair man so we had a committee meeting....when I say meeting, Dan suggested it and me and Bastow said yeah ok....so it's now set in stone. Same rules as before, 10 quid in, winner takes all including a year's bragging rights. Which will be me....of course. So if you think you're good enough to put me back in my box and wipe the stupid smirk off my face then make sure you enter. Below is a previous winner of the class.



This is a good class to enter at a higher level as you obviously only need to find a pair of matching specimens and I entered this class at both Llangollen and Malvern last year. I won didly squit but it did allow me to compare my produce against the very best at very little 'outlay' in terms of the quantity of specimens I had to pull or harvest. I'd suggest to schedule makers of village shows that this would also be a good class to introduce if entries in your larger collection classes have dwindled over the years.



Tomorrow I will be potting up my shallots if the weather stays as mild as it currently is but I'll be doing things slightly different this year. Each shallot will be potted up into 3" square pots as i've always done, into good compost with a bit of added Vitax Q4, but I will bury them to about 3/4 depth rather than just nestling them on the surface as I have in the past. I will also be scraping the base plate until it 'gives' a bit of moisture and dipping this in dry Rovral powder. Both these tips come from multiple National Champion David "pot/kettle/black" Thornton, who is convinced that dipping in Rovral prevents losses from botrytis during storage. We shall see as I only left myself 15 bulbs of my own stock this season due to a 60% loss rate and a few giveaways, although he has kindly offered me some spares from his own stock which I shall be collecting from him tomorrow afternoon.



I have also grown my first crop of the season in the form of a spiffing new beard. I got to thinking once again that several of my scottish friends sport varying degrees of facial fungus so it got me wondering whether it might be a useful tool in attracting mildew away from my peas, and that climate really has nothing to do with it. I'm told I look like a cross between the Yorkshire Ripper, Zac Dingle and Baldrick, but it's got to be worth a shot and it has the added advantage that I sometimes find bits of leftover food in it.

11 comments:

Marcus said...

Don't forget the millenium class at Malvern Simon!!!!

ontheplot said...

Simon, what do you think the advantages of 3/4 burying of the shallot will bring. As every one I spoke to advised me to just sit them on the top. I've buried them to about 1/3 as I wasn't convinced about sitting them on top.

Glad to hear you've joined the facial hair brigade. Not sure if it wards of mildew but personally I hope it does.

Sausage Jockey said...

Hopefully you'll grow a big bushy moustache too to catch some of the bullshit that comes out of your mouth.
Hope you manage to get a card in the "proper" side of Harrogate this year instead of another place for Lettuce in the novice childrens section.

Micheal Smith said...

I agree.

Simon (Smithyveg) said...

Not sure what advantage burying them will give but it's the way he does it so it'll do for me. I'll ask the twat tomorrow.

chris the gardener said...

sounds like a HOOK LINE AND SINKER tip to me

Simon (Smithyveg) said...

I personally witnessed DT burying his shallots to three quarter depth this afternoon so that'll do for me.


Marcus.....I will be entering the Millennium Class at Malvern produce permitting.

Unknown said...

Nice blogs Sausage and Michael

Bemused Cumbrian said...

So why at the Westmorland & North Lancs D.A Talk in November was he so adamant about only making a shallow depression in the compost and simply sitting the bulb in this ?
What's made him change his mind so drastically in 2 months ?

Simon (Smithyveg) said...

Think we're all getting too hung up on how deep to bury them. Spoke to Dave and to him a shallow depression is 2-3cm. The bulb is nestled in that and the ones I saw him doing were therefore at approx. 3/4 depth. After settling of the compost I guess they'd end up 2/3 to 1/2 depth.

When i've just rested the surface in the past it has been known for the bulb to be forced upwards as the roots form and thus lose contact with the media. At least burying deeper will prevent that.

ontheplot said...

Thanks Simon

as the weather has turned mild again the Shallots have started to root already. Sit back and wait for some growth out the top.