A missed trick

This is my greenhouse at the end of November showing a lot of tomatoes still in reasonable condition despite the ravages of blight and not being watered for several weeks. What with global warming (according to Lord Jeremy of Clarkson our climate will be akin to the south of France in 25 years....bring it on!) I need to think about future opportunities to keep harvesting salad veg well in to the autumn. As my last show is in early October I have been guilty of believing that to be the end of my gardening activites and shutting up shop so to speak. This year didn't help as our extension work started in September and we've been busy with that ever since but I want to try and make a New Year resolution to try and get as much veg out of my garden next season as possible. This means making as many sowings as possible of things like lettuce throughout the season and to keep on top of the harvesting of tomatoes

A festering message

A (reluctant) Happy Christmas and New Year to you all and the following personal messages……..


To my fellow veg and dahlia growers…….many thanks for your support throughout the year and the camaraderie at the shows.

To all the show organisers and officials……..you’re the tops!

To the Lake District……….I love you!

To the Peak District………I love you!

To Crib Goch…………..I love you and can’t wait to see you again over Christmas!

To Bruce Willis………….I love you!

To Pierce Brosnan………..I love you!

To Daniel Craig………for God’s sake stop pissing about…..you’ll never be James Bond you sweaty, crag-faced toad. Tell them to bring Pierce back!

To my wife……………isn’t living with me just great?

To Manchester United players…….if you say you didn’t do it I believe you. Just bloody make sure you beat Everton on Sunday!

To Liverpool players……..how many years is it since you won the title?

To Arsene Wenger………….thanks for screwing up the England football team you cock-faced frog.

To the Australian referee at the Rugby World Cup Final……..you c*nt!

To all my colleagues who couldn’t believe it when I was made a director……..ner ner ni ner ner!

To the boys at CBC………..do some f*cking work instead of reading this pathetic blog for a change!

To all traffic wardens………..be afraid, be very afraid.

Purple carrots

This season I grew the carrot variety 'Purple Haze' which I used in my basket and trug displays as a novelty. They grew well although I sowed them quite late so they didn't grow to any great size (the ones in the pic above are only about 6" long). However, there was no sign of any disease or pest damage and they were very tasty. Although purple on the outside they were the usual orange colour on the inside.

I know they can be grown to reasonable lengths so it would be interesting to see them up against orange carrots on the showbench. If all other attributes (condition and size) were similar could the judge view them objectively against a set of orange carrots? I may have a go next year at growing them in drums and see what happens.

p.s.

F.A.O. Charnw**d B*ro*gh Council traffic wardens.....I get my Xmas bonus this week......shall it give you all my F*cking money now or do you

Even more evidence the country's gone mad........

Huh? Is it me?

Just remember this amazing fact....each of the brain donors who voted for this talentless little tosspot beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg!

Liverscum 0 Manchester United 1

Aaaaaaaaaaa've it you scouse shite!

Rafa Benitez has defended his squad rotation policy saying it keeps the burglars guessing who'll be at home on match days!

Storing dahlia tubers

After the first full frost in mid November I finally got my dahlia tubers up. I'd marked the ones I wanted to keep with a label before the frost blackened them (see first pic). The tops are cut back to 6" or so and then the whole tuber is dug up carefully (2nd pic). A label is attached to each tuber with the variety (3rd pic) and then I lay each tuber upside down in the garage so that any excess water runs out.

I will carefully inspect each tuber this weekend and cut away any sections that may be rotting. All the cut ends will be dusted with sulphur powder and the tubers stored until Spring in buckets of dry peat.

I will be keeping the varieties Kenora Sunset, Jomanda and Emma's Coronet but will not be bothering again with the pompom variety Lismore Moonlight as I've found it a little shy in producing a reasonable quantity of 'showable' blooms. Just in case Kevin Broxholme is reading this I've set you aside a tuber each of Kenora Sunset and Emma's Coronet. Merry Christmas mate!

I doooooooon't belieeeeeeeeeeve it !!!!!!

What the bloody hell is happening in this country? How the hell can we as a nation vote for £50million to go towards making more sodding cycle paths ? This pathetic, eco-mentalist beardy-weirdy scheme won against other far more worthy projects which were Sherwood Forest, the Eden Centre and the Black Country. I bet those jumped up nano-gits (aka traffic wardens) are rubbing their hands at how much extra money they can steal from hard-working blokes like me!

We're going to the dogs. We're not allowed to have nativity plays in our schools in case it upsets Osama Bin Bastard, we've been forced to employ a bloody Italian who can't even speak english to manage our National football side, I can't spread slug pellets on my soil in case it Mr. Sparrow and Mrs. Titwarbler are stupid enough to eat them and Alesha nearly got voted off Strictly Come Dancing last week in favour of a Welshman (bad enough!) who I suspect is ever so slightly gay!

Reprobates!

I'm glad my stolen 30 quid is being put to good use!

Even better than Heidi

Apparently my missus is feeling unloved today especially in view of my previous post......God knows why as I never worried about her unhealthy obsession with Paul Young (the big poof!) back in the 80's.

Anyways I'd just like to go down on record as saying she's the most gorgeous woman in the world......sadly I've had to draw a beard on her as she still wishes to remain anonymous!

Have you got your seeds ordered? (dubious veg link at last!)

This is Heidi of the Sugababes, a girl group of dubious ability. Nevertheless, until recently I thought this was my ideal woman (after my good lady of course who remains totally ashamed of my forthright views). She looks gorgeous in a sexy, sophisticated and sultry way.She has gorgeous eyes, a beautiful smile and an arse to die for.
I thought she was the perfect woman......until she opened her big, fat, thick SCOUSE gob that is and my illusions were shattered forever!

p.s. I will be getting back onto the VEG just as soon as I've got anything to say.....onion seed sowing time soon!

p.p.s Charnw**d B*r*ough C*ouncil traffic wardens are still a bunch of bastards....give me my money back!

Reading 3 Liverpool 1

Hehehehehehe.

Give me my money back!

It's because of poncy, helmeted knobsters like this that those gay, Nazi Stormtroopers at Charnw**d B*r*ugh C*uncil (now see if I get f*cking Google alerted!) decided to steal 30 pounds of my hard-earned money. How much bleeding room do you need in the road? Whilst you're swerving all over the place I have to drive around you and yet you can't swerve round my car when I'm parked over one of your precious cyclepaths.

I can't bloody wait for Lord Jeremy of Clarkson to come to power.......you'll all be up against a wall and I'll be one of the firing squad!