8oz or 250g onions***

I've picked a few Vento and Tasco onions for the small onion classes***. I have a cardboard template cut to 3.25" which I put over the bulb at it's widest point. Experience has told me this diameter is when Tasco is about 8oz and as Vento is a similar type of onion I'm using it for them also. I cut the roots off and the top to just above the first leaf joint. The onion may well measure over 8oz at this point but when the top dries out it should be bang on 8oz.

However, as you can see it aint quite that simple when it comes to getting a matching set. The two onions here are the same diameter but as you can see quite different in profile. The one on the right is deeper and may well weigh over 8oz because of that. The judge will pick each onion up so even though they look the same from above he will find ways of downpointing your dish in comparison to other sets.

***read your show schedule and beware. 8oz is actually 227g.

Secondary growth on carrots

At this time of year you need to be checking your carrots (this affects mainly long carrots) for secondary shoots growing from the crown. If these are left on the carrot usually grows into a strange oval shape at the top making it useless for showing. By exposing the top of the carrot (he's off again Ethel!) the shoot needs to be carefully snapped off leaving a small scar on the shoulder of the carrot. Come showtime this scar will not be noticeable.

Here is the same carrot with the shoot removed. The sand is drawn back around the shoulder and the area dusted with Forate insecticide.

Should Garden News be paying me royalties?

You may remember a couple of weeks ago I wrote about the lottery winner who couldn’t grow carrots and lo and behold the next week the story appeared in Garden News?

Well, last week I wrote about rude shaped vegetables, and you can probably imagine my surprise when I read in GN this week that they are appealing for any photos of knob, tit or fanny shaped veggies that you might have. Ok…I admit they didn’t quite word it that way but we all know what they mean!

Now, surely this cannot be a coincidence …can it? If it is it’s getting decidedly spooky. I wonder perhaps if the editor of GN is a closet Smithyveg reader? Or more likely I just have my finger on the pulse of today’s important horticultural issues?

With that in mind this week I intend to address the great talking point in horticulture at the moment. It literally is the subject on everyone’s lips. What is the best way to display the classic English rose……vase or arse crack?

Reasons to be cheerful

Things that have gone wrong this past week.....

Spuds suffering through lack of water. Despite staking the foliage is flopping about all over the place

Some parsnips leaves have inexplicably snapped off. It hadn’t been windy…..next door’s football perhaps?

I’ve lost some of my onion sets Red Baron and Setton to white rot.

I’ve got caterpillars crawling all over my brassicas.

Aphids are on everything…..literally. I even found some on my bollocks!

My long carrots are shite.

I’ve lost more Sweet Candle stumps to some wilting disease.

My ‘large’ onions are smaller than my 8oz onions.

I snapped the top off one of my Cederico tomatoes whilst trying to train it horizontally to increase the yield. This obviously isn’t a good idea. I am an arsehole.

My peas already have flowers on them. I don’t want flowers on them yet!

My beetroot germination has been very patchy.

At my allotment in Sileby the owner ploughed through some seed beds with a rotavator!

Something is eating my peppers ....probably a large caterpillar judging by the size of the droppings .....but I cannot find it

But for some strange reason none of these problems get me down.

Well, at least one scouser is going to win the league next season!!!

Spuds still wilting

With this sweltering weather it’s a never ending problem keeping the spuds sufficiently watered. A week ago I had the hosepipe pouring into each bag for 45 seconds each but I noticed at lunchtime today that they are wilting again so I’ll have to repeat the process. If you don’t keep them well watered you can get some strange looking tubers with thin waists or pointy nose ends rather than the classic kidney or round shape.

My spuds have been in since late April to mid May and you can reckon on 12-16 weeks depending on the variety so I’ll be getting these up in the next few weeks. I shall nip off any flowers as they form so that all energies continue to go into the developing tubers. When the haulms start to go yellow I will cut them off a couple of inches above compost level and then take the bags and pots into the garage where I won’t touch them for a week. If you empty them out straight away the skins are very soft and will peel off easily, rendering them useless for showing. Leaving them for a week allows the skins to harden.

One evening towards the end of July or into early August I’ll then empty out all the bags and pots and sort my spuds into sets but I won’t wash them straight away. Instead I will pack them away in the same compost that they were growing in until the night before the show. They are usually the last thing that I wash so that they look as fresh as possible on the benches. And they will only be good for one show so don’t try keeping them for any later shows….they soon deteriorate.

Long carrots starting to grow...

.....at last! These have really struggled the past month and I'm beginning to think there's nothing to be gained from an early sowing. In future I think I may as well opt for a late April or even early May sowing date. It won't get me whoppers but it should give me more even growth and more uniformly tapered roots in better condition.

I've also been asked about watering your long carrots. Dave Thornton of the NVS is adamant that the only water his gets once they're growing away well is what falls from the sky. In Medwyn's column in GN this week he advocates keeping the top of the compost moist but I think this only applies to those roots that are growing in polytunnels. He really doesn't explain things particularly well at times.

I do know stump carrots are different and I try and give them a sprinkling of water every few days so that they don't dry out. If they do you can get roots that are 'wasp waisted' part way down the root......i.e. thinner than the bottom and top. But long roots need to be encouraged to go down in search of moisture. Even when the surface is dust dry (not BONE dry!) if you scratch down a few inches you'll be surprised how damp the sand can be.

Even better than last year

As I was totally and utterly brilliant last year with my parsnips 'Pinnacle' I was hoping to build on it this year and I haven't been disappointed. The foliage is way bigger than it was at the same stage last season with really thick stems so it should be hiding some whopping specimens below. There is no way these can be watered from above as the foliage is too dense but when they look this good it proves there is no need. The tap root is now well down into the sand and drawing on the moisture deep down. If the roots are as clean as they were last season I'm confident of a few red cards with these come August & September.

Onions slow to bulb

Had a call from a fellow grower last night and he's having similar problems. Now we've got past the longest day and the nights are getting longer they should start to swell but it's going to be well into August before I can harvest my biggest onions, which won't give them long enough to ripen for the first shows I feel.














My onions for the 8oz class (Vento and Tasco) should be on time however, and I think I'll be harvesting my first by the middle of July no problems.

Well that's one less kiddy fiddling nutcase in the World!

Damn.....they stole my idea!!!!!

I've suddenly realised that some people in high places must read my blog as the lead story in Garden News this week is about the lottery winner who cannot grow carrots.

So, with this in mind this week I'd like to talk about rude shaped vegetables and vegetables as sex aids. (Go on GN...I dare you! LOL)

Nervous.....

Got several members of a local horticultural society coming round on Thursday evening to look over the plot and hopefully pick up some tips for their own show. I hope I can give them some help and advice and don't let myself down......but the garden looks good anyway.

Celery growing reasonably

I'm only growing 5 plants in the garden (and another half dozen up the allotment) as I only need 2 for Sturton way ahead in October. I've never been a great celery grower and lost all my plants last season to some strange rust disease that rendered them hopeless for showing. So far I have no sign of this showing, nor celery leaf miner which is a pest that burrows into the leaflets and makes them quite unsightly..

I have very loose collars on them....actually 6" bottomless plant pots but I'll be putting a 10" loose collar on them soon.

In the nick of time

I was going to leave my biggest shallots for another few days but you know when you get a feeling and something tells you to look again? Well I did and I noticed some of them had started to get out of shape. They were all fine when I looked on Friday so it does appear to be quite a rapid transformation.

Timing does seem to be a very important factor in show veg so I harvested the whole damn lot and managed to salvage the majority......including these huge 'Longor'. They do have flat edges where they were in contact with their brothers and sisters but Dave Thornton who I now consider to be my vegetable guru and who knows absolutely everything when it comes to show veg (big headed twat) insists that they round up during the drying out process. If that is true then I reckon I could be onto a winner with these and I will consider offering to have his babies.

A confession

I've been putting this off for some time but I'm bound to be asked sooner or later. You remember that huge onion I was given in order to set it for seed? Well, in less than 9 months I've managed to reduce it from this....


















To this....














Yes I'm afraid it is an ex-onion. Now all I have to do is explain my incompetence to the guy who gave it to me!

Truth is it never really got away in the autumn when I planted it in a large pot in my conservatory. I'm wondering whether it was on the cold side and it had started to rot from day one. Either way it's not an easy thing to do with a bulb of that size so I'll just have to rely on someone else's expertise in the future and get my seed and plants from people who know what they're doing.


However, I'm not the only one suffering from onion heartbreak. Poor old Dan is suffering from botritis on some his biggest bulbs....

http://www.allotment-diary.co.uk/Giant-exhibition-onion-2009.html

I feel your PAIN Dan! Hang in there!