Who'd be a judge?

Well....me actually! Tomorrow is the day of the NVS Judges Exam and I'm probably not as confident now as I was when I first put forward for it. It's quite a high pass percentage you have to get, so there isn't much margin for error but it'll be a good experience if nowt else. And when you see some of the decisions on the benches you do wonder whether you want to put yourself forward for the inevitable criticism that will come your way.


Last year at Midlands Branch I put three globe beet in that I felt had a very good chance of getting a ticket but came away with nothing. However, the set I put in this year got third but when I walked away from staging I thought it was merely making up the numbers. Whilst I was surprised and happy to get the placing I still felt there were better conditioned and more uniform sets that didn't get anything. The tent was still quite dark when the judges started their deliberating so did that come into play perhaps? And at Harrogate the hall in which the veg is staged has the worst lighting I've ever experienced. It made many of the veg appear to be yellow or green in some cases.

What it illustrates is that judging of vegetables can never be an exact science. As long as it is carried out by fellow exhibitors themselves at the top of their game, or people who have been there and done it you have to trust the process and take all decisions in good faith. I've always said that the day I get upset and contest a decision is the day I give it up for good.

Stick at it

At Malvern I staged my first ever entry of celery 'Evening Star' at such a high level. Whilst I didn't win a ticket I was more than happy with how they looked, especially as I'd grown these myself from seed, and if I hadn't been pushed for time I'd have titivated them up a lot more as some of the stalks needed straightening up having grown a bit off centre in the cardboard blanches. At the time I didn't know it but I actually staged them next to Ray Sale's winning brace. As you can see I got more blanch than him but they weren't quite as bulky, but all in all I'm encouraged to keep growing celery having considered not bothering after this season. Indeed, next season I have decided I will be growing many more celery in a raised bed that I normally grow my 250g onions in. The bed has a severe infestation of white rot so I have to find somewhere else to grow onions. I reckon I can get 20 celery in the bed and will erect a mesh barrier to stop strong side winds battering them down as currently my celery grow in quite a sheltered spot.

The key to growing better plants this season was plenty of well rotted horse muck in prepared holes and sieved soil on top of that to plant the seedlings into in late Spring, with a top dressing of dried blood and nutrimate a fortnight before planting. After that I never let them dry out, and when the plants were growing away well I gave them a couple of litres of water every day with a high nitrogen feed once a week, switching to a high potash feed 4 weeks before showing. I used Decis regularly to prevent attack by leaf miners, and later on Bumper to prevent blight. As I go to press I have 6 plants left, and I hope to stage 4 in a collection at Westminster next week and 2 at Derby at the end of October, frosts permitting.

London calling

Next up is my 4th Clash (see how clever I was there!?) with Dave Thornton at the RHS Westminster Show a week today. This is an absolutely stunning venue in which to stage vegetables and if you can make the effort the rewards are good as the RHS give very good prize money across the classes, not just in the big collections. Thanks to a website www.parkatmyhouse.com i've managed to find a parking spot at a local pub for 10 quid a day (you can claim this back) so I shall be driving into London in the early hours in order to avoid the congestion charge. Leesa will be travelling down on the train later on in the morning as there will definitely be no room in the car for her this time around.




The reason for this is i've entered 35 classes including 5 collections in the hope of clawing back some of the points difference between myself and the Derby Dingbat. He currently leads by a seemingly unbridgeable 716 to 351 but hopefully i've got a few tricks up my sleeve as Westminster has classes for things like squash (of which I have a nice specimen), turnips, brussel sprouts, red cabbage, cylindrical beet (I have 4 drums of these to empty out!), loose leaf lettuce (my current speciality!), courgettes and chard. When I informed the Thornquat of all my plans his smug face quickly changed and I know he's looking for late rule changes as we go to press just in case. Having said all this he usually picks up a rook of red cards at this show, especially if the Welsh boys don't turn up as happened last year. Therefore I don't doubt that Medwyn will be taking his photo again for GN....yawn!

As well as my Westminster preps i'm also in the process of digesting the NVS Judges' Guide for my impending exam this Saturday. Because Midland Branch aren't holding an exam this year i'm having to travel down to Dorchester in southern country-bumkin land so i'll be setting out early for the 200 mile trip. It means I will be not be entering Sturton Show in Lincolnshire for the first time in 12 years. As well as a two hour written paper there is a mock show that you have to judge, coming up with a 1-2-3 in each class. There are two collections A & B that have to be pointed, so i'm hoping that my experience in entering several collections this year and concentrating on the pointage given to each competitor will stand me in good stead for this. I may sleep in the car if i'm too tired afterwards but as there are more village idiots per hectare down south I don't really want to be hanging about after dark.

Slow down you lot!

It would appear that some of my 'disciples' are getting better at this showing lark than I am. Following on from Dan and Paul's successes at Harrogate I must add my congratulations to Ray Ingram who won shallots at Malvern, beating a very miserable Dave Thornton into 3rd place. As I'd staged Dave's shallots in his absence whilst he was out enjoying himself, in the wee small hours, very, very tired having had no sleep at all it didn't stop me from getting the blame for his failure. All I can say is I did one better than at Harrogate where he only came 4th having staged them himself the ungrateful fuckwit. Anyways....well done Ray and hard lines on the trug. I thought we were going to be out of the cards this year when I saw your's and Denise's effort.




Also, well done to Marcus Powell for winning the marrow class with Bush Baby on his first ever Branch show. They were a superbly well matched pair and fairly obvious winners in the end. He has now been bitten by the bug and i'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of him in future.

You gotta be in it to win it!

My only red card this weekend came on the Malvern side in the any other vegetable class where I staged a single Sandrine lettuce.

At 2am I dug this plant up, gave the roots a quick blast with the hosepipe (sorry neighbours!) and threw it in the car. At the showground it was the first thing out of the car but because i'd already seen it was a very popular class I thought I won't bother staging it so just threw it on the grass by the car.

At the last moment I thought sod it i'll chuck it in, staging it with the roots in a jamjar of water. And I was rewarded with a red card which was a total surprise. Steward Colin Higgs (another top bloke) said judge Charlie Maisey thought it was faultless.

So it just goes to show that unless you put it on the bench you'll never win. If you've gone to the trouble of growing it, preparing it, then travelling with it you have nothing to lose by staging it.

If I hadn't I wouldn't be Midland lettuce champion now would I?

Top fellas

I spent last night drinking with this rather strange man. I think he ran a game show in the 80's involving a bull. Nowadays he just talks it....or is it me that does that? :o)

Anyways i'm not sure he was in the tickets at the Show but he did manage to win these excellent wooden dildos in the Midland Branch raffle.

His real name is Gareth Cameron and comes as a double act with Ronnie Jackson. Both top growers they are two of the most knowledgeable and helpful guys you could wish to meet. However, if they think that exempts them from this year's Smithyveg awards they're very much mistaken!

With Malvern 2012 in mind.....

......i'm going to have a real crack at the Millennium Class next year, when Malvern will host the National. You need 5 plates of 4 veg, potatoes, stumps, tomatoes, 250g onions and globe beet.

Midlands have a similar class calling for four dishes only and I narrowly missed out on a ticket as I was forced to field two 15 pointer veg. My globe beet let me down but I had some nice stumps and Kestrel spuds.

There's always next year!

Bushed

Probably too much information but i'm currently soaking in a beautiful roll top bath in our very pleasant victorian b&b after an afternoon spent fast asleep. This through the night staging lark sure does take it out of you.

Pick of my results was 2nd in the cherry tomato class, a result that owes much to having a wife with a good eye. I grow Sungold and whilst this is the tastiest cherry tomato i've never seen it in the tickets so i've always made up the numbers with it. I handed Leesa a bowl of fruits that i'd picked in the dark at 2 o'clock this morning and said 'pick me 12 out of that lot and stage them for me'. I really couldn't have done a better job. She can come again!

However, we could still only make our perennial 3rd place in the trug class despite a different design to usual.

Your man at Malvern reporting

Wow what a show. If anything i'd say the standard is even better than at Harrogate last weekend. Indeed, Ian Simpsons Harrogate tap root winning long carrots took 1st place proving that you can use your roots on more than one weekend.

They beat Dave Thornton's long carrots into 2nd, and no doubt he'll blame me as I staged all his veg for him. I have to say.....never again! Quite how I got all our veg to Malvern intact i'll never know as my car has never been so rammed. His onions were balancing on my cabbages, our celery on my leeks and so on. And because I was loading the car til 3am I got to the Showground a bit late to stage things properly. In the end I was running around doing last minute adjustments which is never a good thing.

I wasn't expecting anything but I did get a few tickets, most pleasing being a 3rd in the potato collection. Not bad for a wooden spooner I reckon!

All staged

First impressions.....Bloody hell! Some bloody good stuff here this year. Will be lucky to get a ticket in anything!

Leesa insisted I take this photo proving that she constructs my trugs!

Malvern countdown

A year ago I was preparing marrows, globe beetroot, cherry tomatoes, sweet peppers and medium tomatoes in the hope of getting a ticket in the novice class at Malvern. I think it says a lot for the improvement I (and indeed my blogging pals) have made in that I am now preparing long carrots, leeks, potatoes and celery for this year's show. I think we're all currently 'bubbling under' as the saying goes. The thing is I know I don't have an earthly of getting in the tickets in most classes and yet they are some of the best veg I have ever grown. Just getting the stuff on the benches and not looking out of place is reward enough for me at the moment. When I compare my veg now to only a couple of years ago there's no comparison and a lot of it is down to the daily advice I can call upon via the NVS online forum. You can't put a price on good advice from guys who have been there and done it.

All you can hope to do is keep improving and one day I'm fairly sure I'll get there at National level but for now it's a case of listening to and learning from the best in the land, keeping an open mind and adapting their ideas and methods to suit your own situation. In the meantime remember it is just a hobby and if you don't get any enjoyment from it, just stress and upset, then it really aint worth doing. Getting tickets is nice, but making lifelong friendships and getting the best possible experience out of your growing is way more important.

A year ago I genuinely had a sneaking suspicion my tomatoes would be there or thereabouts. This year? Well I'm very happy with how my celery looks. But I know Malvern always has great celery so I shan't get carried away. I've downloaded a Blogger app on my phone so I should be able to post pictures from the showground this year. Malvern is a superb day out so if you're going make sure you get there early as there is so much to see, do and buy! If you notice me in the veg marquee please make yourselves known to me, poke me or smack me in the mouth, whichever you feel most comfortable with.

Long brute

I was hoping to stage a set of three long beet at Malvern but couldn't get a matching set.

As this monster, 15" round at the crown shows, I think I need to sow a tad later if I want to have some for the Malvern 2012 National.

I've left a drum unpulled as I hope to at least have a pair for the tap root class at Westminster in a week and a half.

Dynamec and Jet 5

I'm probably going to be getting some of these substances in November. But I certainly won't need the agricultural quantities they're supplied in so if anyone fancies going shares with me it will split the costs and I can divvy them up into jamjars or other suitable containers and distribute.

Dynamec for onion and leek thrips

Jet 5 for sterilising your sand etc

Send me a mail if you're interested and i'll let you know in due course how much it'll be when I have final numbers.

Today's lesson is.....never play darts against Dave Thornton and let him do the scoring.

Having put the village idiots from Yorkshire firmly in their place I now turn my attentions to Malvern and Westminster and my ongoing battle with Dave Thornton. He has built up a substantial lead of 440 points to 205, having originally claimed he had 500 points. It took several abusive emails to convince him he only had 440 the cheating twat. I managed to claim a couple of 80 point scores at Harrogate by coming 3rd with two collections. His face was a picture of disgust when I told him that a trug counts as a collection, a face that already had a quivering bottom lip as he came 4th with shallots for the second year running. He wins everywhere else but somehow not at Harrogate. It's hilarious actually.




I've decided to bench a couple of celery at Malvern. I had a stick in my collection at Harrogate and it didn't look as if it was in the wrong company so I'll give it a go and see how they compare. I've also got 4 sets of 3 potatoes for a potato collection which won't beat Sherie Plumb but you never know....they might just sneak into the tickets given a fair wind and a blind judge with a drink problem. I checked them at the weekend and they're still fairly blemish free (i've had a few go down with silver scurf during storage) and have reasonable uniformity although they're perhaps a little undersize to compete. But if you aint in it you can't win it!



Last night I went through all of my shallots and regraded them into the best set of nine, plus another set of 12 for the Malvern side which I managed to win last year. Tonight I'll go through my 250g onions as I want to stage a mini-collection which calls for 4 sets of 4 from stumps/spuds/beetroot/tomatoes/250g onions. Ideally you want to stage stumps (18 pointer) spuds (20 pointer) and tomatoes (18 pointer) amongst the four sets for definites. The fourth set needs to be between the beet and onions which are only 15 pointers. As my tomatoes are not quite ready I may need to stage both beet and onions which puts me at an immediate 3 point disadvantage but I have seen it done if the uniformity etc is good.



I'm expecting Dave to pick up good points at Malvern with shallots, long carrots, parsnips and the onion collection so I could really do with a bit of luck at Malvern in order to hang onto his coat tails until Westminster where I hope to be able to catch him up a bit with some tickets in the minor veg classes. This would piss him off enormously and also be very, very funny.

Farcical and evil

With the Scottish Branch also holding their Championships over the weekend I've heard of several cases where people have had their produce stolen at the show breakdowns when the shout goes up that you can collect your stuff. This follows on from Llangollen where top showman Andrew Jones had one of his large exhibition onions swiped by a fellow exhibitor. This has got to be the lowest of the low, the perpetrator no doubt intending to seed his strain of onion for his/her won ends. At the weekend at Harrogate the 'uplift' descended into farce as several exhibitors had to have a tug-of-war as members of the public tried to swipe whatever they could get their hands on. When you have produce spread across a large venue you don't have a chance sometimes and at Malvern last year I had some Vento onions stolen. I always make sure I guard my shallots and Leesa will stand by something else but you cannot cover all bases.

It's about time the large show organisers emptied the hall/marquee and only allowed the exhibitors back in on presentation of a pass. We were actually given passes at Harrogate but never asked for them so what the hell is the point of doing it? It just descends into a free for all and several people lost veg. Dan lost a good stump carrot from his collection and in Scotland Ian Stocks lost his winning peas. In Scotland, as at Harrogate it can only have been a so-called 'fellow exhibitor'. Most of these guys will happily help you out with seed if you ask them nicely so why steal?

I'm dreading the Malvern breakdown because it's such a large venue that you have produce spread over a much larger area. I complained last year to Three Counties but never even got the decency of a reply. Shrewsbury Show has been blighted by this problem for many years despite Medwyn going public in GN about it. If I see any exhibitor swiping veg that does not belong to him/her I will have no hesitation in naming and shaming them on here. If necessary I am prepared to trade punches with anyone stupid enough to stand up to me. I'm a nasty little fucker when I need to be. You have been warned you scumbuckets.