Shall I tell you.......

.........what really wazzes me off at the moment? Those stupid ads for some mobile phone company where a bunch of people (most probably students) suddenly start doing a synchronised dancing routine in the middle of a shopping centre to the obvious amazement of genuine shoppers. They must have spent many, many hours together perfecting exactly what they were going to do down to the finest detail. If the lazy, workshy soap-dodgers haven’t got anything better to do in their obviously far too ample free time then they can always give me a shout and I’ll find the sods plenty to do in my garden!!!

Twats.

Dahlias and grapes!

The first cuttings are nearly ready for taking on my dahlia tubers 'Frank Holmes', a pom supplied to me by Kev Broxholme. Still no sign of life on my Jomanda or Kenora Sunset.

Meanwhile, an outdoor grape I planted last year has burst into life. I have no idea what to do with this so any advice gratefully received. I was hoping that one day I might get a bunch to go in the 1 veg/1 flower/1 fruit class at Sutton Bonington.

God bless the BBC!

I had an email a week or two back asking if I'd be interested in taking part in a one hour special that Gardeners World is planning to do on growing for show. The idea is that Joe Swift will enter some veg at the RHS Westminster Late Show in October. I guess he'll be visiting various gardens to try and pick up tips. Hopefully, they'll make a better fist of it than the Great British Village Show which made us all out to be geeks or nutters (probably not far from the truth!) and will actually focus on the camaraderie and passing on of knowledge to fellow growers.

I shall wait and see if they get back to me but we've agreed a fee of half an hour's naked mud wrestling with Rachel de Thame.....or did I dream that bit?

Watch the weather forecast

Don't be lulled into a false sense of security. We can still have hard frosts up until the 6th June which is the date I lost a lot of beans and lettuce about 15yrs ago. I did my best John Terry impression that day (remember how he cried like a big girl's blouse after last season's Champions League Final?).

Get ready with plenty of fleece or newspaper to protect things like emerging potato shoots.

First spuds in

Had a busy day today cutting back a tree and some shrubs to let in more light in an area I plan to grow several rows of spuds. I managed to plant 10 bags of 'Winston'. I had a disastrous year with spuds last year so I really want to give them a good go this season.


First I dug a trench, lined the bottom with some of my homemade compost and scattered a few slug pellets on the top of this. I half filled each bag with fine compost, added a handful of Vitax Q4 and some seaweed meal and then planted 3 spuds in each bag (probably too many......2 should be the maximum I'm told). Another few inches of compost is put on top and I'll top the bag up as the foliage starts to peep through......in effect 'earthing up'. The main roots should come through the holes in the bottom of the bag and into the soil below. Meanwhile the developing tubers will grow in the compost in the bags and should come out very clean and require the minimum of cleaning. The 'feeder' roots in the bag will utilize the fertilisers.

















I also thinned down my parsnips today by pulling out the surplus ones, to one side and up. Most top growers do it this way I'm told, rather than cutting them at sand surface level as I have always done in the past....until now! I always thought pulling them this way could disturb the one you intend to keep but it seems that is not the case. The same method will be employed when I come to thin my long carrots....sometime in mid-May.

A day of highs, then a low, then another high!

Did a 10miler yesterday with the 'boys'. Here we are at Grindleford station (actually a cafe now where you can get a mean bacon bap) at the start of the walk.

Left to right: Kev, Alan, Keith, Gary, Graham (aka 'Shagger') and your truly.

A well earned tea stop at Higger Tor.

Monkey man on a rock stack above Curbar Edge.

The result was never in doubt! Yeesh....2-0 down at half time as well!

The best advice I can give anyone......

......is to use slug pellets especially at this time of year. The organic brigade will have you crushing eggshells, bulk ordering bran and cheap beer and generally doing naked moon dances at midnight. But a quick flick of the wrist (easy tiger!) with a tub of slug pellets will ease all your worries.

This is particularly important with your long carrots. Yes I know they're growing in sharp sand and that slugs and snails don't like crawling over it but quite frankly that is complete hippo shit. I lost several last year so I know it to be true. Slug pellets cause total death to any slug or snail that even thinks about munching your prized roots.

Wish my onions were this big!

I've scrapped my brussel plants tonight and resown some more seed. It really wasn't worth trying to salvage such pathetic looking specimens.

4 of my long carrots are through (44 to go!) and I sowed another 28 'stations' of Sweet Candle stump carrot.

One crop that is doing well (obviously doesn't mind being drenched in bleach) are my shallots, especially the 12 given to me by Dave Thornton. I'm really quite excited about these (I live a sad old life) and can't wait to see if I really do get 4 big ones from each bulb as Dave suggests. He also told me to let the bulb divide of it's own devices naturally rather than helping it by peeling back the outer layers as I have done around this time every year. It certainly suits me as I seem to have less time available this year and it has always been a time-consuming fiddly f*ck of a job.

I'm an idiot

My cabbages and brussels have been really struggling to put on any growth, to the point of looking really poorly. At first I thought it may be bad compost but other plants seem fine so it had to be something else. Then I hit on what I think it must be……bleach! I put a dash of it in my water butts to sterilise the water and even though it’s very dilute I noticed the water in the watering-can still smelt quite strongly of bleach (In fact I may have put more than just a 'dash' of it in). I reckon the brassicas obviously don’t react to being showered in the stuff. You live and learn. I’ve sown some more and will have to remember to water them from another drum without added bleach!

The rising stars of Walney Island and Windermere!

Whilst in the Lakes I had the pleasure of spending a few hours discussing veg in the company of James Park (see link to blog) and Paul Wlodarczak.....he did tell me how to pronounce his name but I was half wankered when he told me (it was something like Winklecrack I think!). Anyways, it was great to witness such enthusiasm for growing to show and I'm predicting great things from these two at their local shows. I do hope however, that Paul is better at growing veg than he was at remembering where his B&B was !!! Drunken git.

In the meantime, my parsnips are now all up and all but two have developed their first proper leaves. I'm leaving glass panels over the drums for now, slightly to one side to let air in on hot days. Once the leaves are touching the glass (at about 3-4" high) I'll remove the glass and leave them to it, keeping an eye out for greenfly which do seem quite partial to them and which can pass on viruses.

As some stations have 2 seedlings in them I shall soon be thinning down to the best one. In previous years I have cut the surplus seedling away very carefully with fine scissors so as not to disturb the one I leave. This can be fiddly and a bit of a ball-ache. But I've seen an NVS DVD produced by the great Trevor Last where he just pulls the surplus seedling out.....it's a lot easier and quicker so if it's good enough for him it's sure good enough for me. The same applies to long and stump carrots.

I'm so relieved....

....but that's enough about what I did in the shower this morning!

No.....the first of my long carrots has come through. You can barely see it but there's no mistaking the first piece of bent stem has just broken the surface. It should now be a matter of days before the rest follow. So that has taken 16 days in all. I guess the nights have still been quite cold despite the warm weather of the past few days.

Potato challenge

I hope to be starting bagging up my potatoes this coming weekend (assuming I finish off all my stumpy carrots) so there's a lot of work coming up.

In the meantime the following website has made me laugh. Carrot king Ian Stocks has laid down a challenge to his friends and neighbours to see who can grow the biggest weight of spuds from a growbag.

www.avonbankgardenspotatochallenge.co.uk

Our visit to the Lakes

We had an amazing weekend weatherwise and a superb walk on Saturday doing the Newlands Horseshoe....here is Leesa on the first peak, Catbells.

Proof that Leesa summited Dale Head also.....although she didn't much like the descent!

I've done that one....and that one.....and those! Great Gable and Scafell Pike look close enough to touch. Isn't it strange how my rucksack belt makes it look as if I have a huge beer belly!!!

3046' high Skiddaw in the distance under the clouds.

Our descent route from Hindscarf.......not for the faint hearted in places.....or wives with dodgy knees.

Do you know where you're ******** going baldy?

The less said about the disgraceful behaviour that went off in here later that evening the better!

Today we kept at low level........a pleasant walk around Grasmere and Loughrigg Terrace.

Got back home just in time to see the FA Cup semi-final penalty shoot-out. B*ll*cks!

And......my carrots are still not up....double b*ll*cks!

Don't forget those feeds

I noticed a lot of fresh young growth on the nettles and comfrey where they grow wild in the lane at the bottom of my garden last weekend and took the opportunity to hack a load down and soak them in some buckets of water. These will then rot down over the next few weeks and I'll drain off the resultant 'soups' and use them as feeds on my tomatoes, alternating them both with the usual proprietary tomato feeds such as Tomorite.

The comfrey is high in potash and the nettles high in nitrogen so I'll also use this for foliar feeding my cabbages also.

I'm off to the Lakes.....

.......walking this weekend, as it will be my last chance before the growing season really kicks into gear. This is where all my show veg and flowers are at thus far in the season.

Tomato Cederico. 1st 6 seedlings 2” high. . A 2nd batch was be sown 2 weeks ago and has now germinated.

CeleryRed Star. I have a tray of 12 small plants still in my conservatory. I hope to put these in the greenhouse soon.

Large onions. (bought-in plants) in greenhouse. Still very small. There won’t be any whoppers this year.

Shallots .Were all planted 3 weeks ago…..Dave Thornton’s 12 bulbs, my own reselected shite and some Longor . All growing away very well indeed.

Onion sets Setton. 25+ plants were planted out last weekend. Another couple of trays to be planted up the ‘allotment’.

Onion sets Red Baron. 25+ plants were planted out 3 weekends ago. Parsnips Pinnacle. All through bar two of the 45 stations.

Long carrots. Sown 12 days ago but not through as yet.

Stump carrots Sweet Candle. 22 stations sown last weekend. Another 50 to do as soon as possible.

Red cabbage Maestro. Tray of 24 pricked out 4 weeks ago. Greenhouse. Not growing well at all however so another pot has been sown a week ago and is ready for pricking out.

Green cabbage Globemaster. Tray of 24 pricked out 2 weeks ago. Greenhouse.

Brussel Abacus. Tray of 24 pricked out 4 weeks ago. Greenhouse. As with red cabbage these are looking very poor.

My potatoes (Winston/Kestrel/Nadine/Malin) are chitting in trays in my garage and will go in from next weekend.

My dahlia tubers are all in boxes of peat and the first shoots are showing on some.

I also have several capsicum (Big Jim and Luteus) plants pricked out, aubergines (Black Beauty) and leeks (Musselburgh) for the pot. 2 nights ago I sowed the pumpkin seed that I aquired from a 1341lb European record holder.